On Friday I headed off for my first prenatal visit, and needless to say, it was a bit early. (Note to self: Don’t get a sono before 6 weeks.) And it was on a Friday, which leaves you with a very anxious weekend. Oh, and don’t wear a dress to the OB. It just makes for awkward moments.
I was super-excited to talk to my doctor and get a plan ready to take me full-term. All 4 girls have come early – 39 weeks, 36 weeks, 35 weeks and the last was 34 weeks and spent 4 weeks in the NICU. I just can’t go early. I am determined to make 37 weeks even though I would love to make 40! I would even be fine with passing my due date. I know, who wants to be overdue? But after having a preemie, I would totally rather go later.
Anyway – back to my first visit. I have been with the same OBGYN practice for 9 years. I am basically a frequent flyer around the office to the point where the receiptionist even made a copy of my forever long baby name list. She is preggers too! I head to see the sono tech and immediately notice she is a fill-in. I was seriously disappointed to see the super-experienced tech was on vacay.
Right away, after asking me the first day of my last period, she goes on to say: “I am going to warn you. If you are only just 5 weeks along we may not see a yok or a fetal pole but try not to worry. You may just be really early.” Okay, no worries I thought to myself. I am sure something will pop up — even if it’s the tiniest of blobs.
So, here we go for the internal sonogram. Stirrups in place and all! Right on the big ole’ flat screen ahead I see my little sac. It takes about .2 seconds for me to notice that there is, in fact, no yoke–which meant no heartbeat or fetal pole. Immediate disappointment with a terrible feeling on the side. Yes, she warned me, but I was hoping there might be a little something she could measure. Nope, not a dot or a “don’t worry everything is fine” from the tech. She proceeds to take a tour around and notices another small circle which seems to be a very similar second sac. As soon I saw it I asked her, “Ummm..what is that? Another baby? A cyst?” It’s silent for a few seconds. A few very long silent seconds. “Well, Mrs. Koon, I am not really sure what that is.” Wait? Not sure? What do you mean? Right away I thought about how on Friday I jokingly wrote about having twin girls. Looks like someone may have jinxed themselves. She proceeded to say, “There seems like there is a lot going on in here with the pregnancy and all.” She gave me no answers. She said it’s clearly a pregnancy, but she can’t give me a due date based on measurements and can’t confirm if I am having twins. “Go ahead and sit in the waiting room, the doctor will be with you shortly.”
Shortly. Yeah, in doctor time maybe. 25 minutes later I finally get to see the doctor. He reassures me that I am just too early to tell, most likely 5 weeks if my dates are correct (which in fact, they very much are), and I’m due October 3oth. We go over the details of my high-risk pregnancy, seeing the high-risk doctor and getting steroid shots, but he still can’t tell me about the second sac we saw on the sono. However, he didn’t seem concerned which leads me to believe it isn’t a cyst. Not to mention no little baby blobs! He agreed with the not-so-experienced sono tech and said it was just too early to tell. However, he seemed frustrated with her and asked me to come back in a week when the regular tech was back in the office.
I wanted to immediately fast forward in that moment to 9 weeks. With all of my other pregnancies it’s been very simple. I go in, have the sono, see the blob in the sac and hear the heart beat, get the due date and I am on my way. This visit was anything but that, and I just felt so anxious. I have never had any miscarriages so I have been very blessed. However, there has just been this awful feeling since she couldn’t measure, and she didn’t even give me a sono picture just to have. I mean, the sac is still very visible. Also, I wanted to compare sonos when I came home to search “week five no yoke in sac” on Google. But, nope. I got nothing. No answers, no sono pic, and just lots of anxious feelings. Of course the pregnancy hormones don’t help, so the water works were pouring.
As I left the office, made my appointment for next Friday, got my prenatal vitamins — it all felt surreal. But not “real” enough. I wanted the picture, I wanted to see the little baby blob. I wanted it to be oh-so-real in that very moment. And then I remembered–this is why you shouldn’t get sonos early.
After talking to great friends and all of my cheerleaders as I call them, I felt reassured that I probably am in fact just so early and I should just not worry; everything will be alright. Sometimes this is a major fault of mine. I worry pretty much like it’s my job. Which is why I was anxious all weekend. So, today is the day of fate. I will patiently be waiting for my blood results all morning in hopes hCG levels are where they need to be and pray that this week flies by in anticipation for my Friday sono and visit. I know this wasn’t a planned little cupcake, but the devastation would definitely set in if I get bad news this week so I am trying to stay positive.
I am eager to read your comments so please, leave one!
Has this happened to you? Did you have a sono tech with no bed side manner?
Were you missing that baby blob just to find out everything was fine?
I’m dying to get feedback.
See all of Casi’s Being Pregnant post here.