What Gender of Child Did You Pick?

We get asked this question quite a bit, because most of the time in an adoption, you can specify just about everything you are looking for in a child. Which in a way, quite honestly, kinda creeps me out at a certain point. But you have to get used to this process in order to make it work, because your agency has to know. However, in South Korea, (at least through our agency), adoptive parents are no longer allowed to choose the gender of child they want.


So many couples chose girls over boys the past few decades that it left a huge shortage of boys behind that were growing up without families. Both Korean and international families.

This seems crazy to me – and South Korea as a country called a halt to that practice. Now you are referred a child and can’t turn down the referral based on gender in any way. Some agencies allow you to specify a girl if you already have a son, but most don’t allow this at all.

Right now, adoptions for girls outweigh the number for boys heavily. Boys with moderate to severe special needs wait even longer.

As I told you before, we are treating this adoption like a pregnancy in that we don’t have any real “won’t” or “can’t” unless the agency or laws decide it for us. We checked the box for both a boy and a girl before we knew what country we qualified for, and also for siblings.

But in my heart? I’m hoping for a boy. I am. I think of everything with this adoption in boy terms – and pictures of someone’s little adopted son from Korea melt my heart. Sam and I are always slipping up and saying, “When he comes home,” or, “When we go to get him from Korea…” We have the same thoughts on this.

Of course, like at an ultrasound when you find out and all your expectations fly right out the window at the joy of whatever you hold inside you, and the same will be true for this. No matter what gender of child they tell us we were referred, we’ll both be ecstatic. After all, it really won’t matter to us – we did this because we wanted to expand our family with another child, so girl or boy isn’t the important part. (Although I might feel differently if we didn’t have Bella already.) I know that whoever we are given will be the child that was meant for us to have.

Now if we can just get to actually being referred a child to be excited about… :)


Photo Credit: Left: Robert S. Digby Right: Melvin Schlubman


Diana blogs on raising a toddler daughter, the loss of her twin boys, and their families’ Korean adoption in progress on the aptly named Hormonal ImbalancesSmaller glimpses into her day are on TwitterFacebook, and on Pinterest


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Article Posted 4 years Ago
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