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8 Things I Want Every Miscarriage Survivor to Know

I have had an incredibly difficult week and as I write this, through tears, today isn’t much easier on me. I don’t have the energy at this time to write too much about it, but my husband and I are going through another miscarriage at the moment. It breaks my heart to write that again — it’s even harder for me to share this again. Sharing on a large platform always, and still, makes me nervous when it comes to this ‘taboo’ subject. There is always a portion of people who comment, tweet or private message me telling me to stop talking about it, who don’t understand that I am grieving or tell me to stop trying for another child. Those hurt, but the ones who feel like they CAN’T talk hurt even more, so I will keep sharing — the good, the funny & the ugly.

This post is for anyone who has been through a miscarriage, who will go through a miscarriage or has a friend or family member in this situation. There is still this idea in many communities that speaking on perinatal loss is not something to talk about. This leaves many survivors (yes, survivors) feeling alone, isolated and that can amplify grief and potentially turn into clinical depression. So, for anyone in this situation as I am in right now — losing a baby, a dream and the chance to see that child grow up — there are 8 things I want to say to you — that I want to you take in and hear.

Click through for 8 important things I want every miscarriage survivor to know:


  • It’s Okay to Grieve 1 of 8
    It's Okay to Grieve
    Grief is defined as an emotional reaction to a significant loss. Miscarriage is a significant loss and grief is a healthy process, a very unique and individualized process. There is no one 'right' or 'wrong' way to do it.
    For more info on grief after miscarriage - read: What is Grief
    Photo Credit: modified from flickr
  • Watch for Signs 2 of 8
    Watch for Signs
    Part of the process means taking care of yourself and watching for signs of complicated grief, depression or post-traumatic stress syndrome. Learning the signs and risks is a vital part in making sure you are safe and know when/if you need help.
    For more information on Depression vs Grief read: Recognizing Major Depression
    For more information on PTSD read: Understanding PTSD
    Photo Credit: modified from flickr
  • It’s Not Your Fault 3 of 8
    It's Not Your Fault
    Unfortunately, many moms blame themselves or others will point fingers at them if they have a miscarriage. The questions, the what-if's, the worries about doing this or not doing that can run through our brains. Let go of that burden, of that complication of grief and please hear that it was not your fault.
    Photo Credit: modified from flickr
  • We Are Listening 4 of 8
    We Are Listening
    Society at large does not understand the grief of miscarriage. We are asked to keep it quiet because it makes other people uncomfortable. We are listening though - this society, a group of us touched by loss who are here to listen. You're not alone!
    Join the amazingly, supportive Unspoken Grief community on Facebook
    Photo Credit: modified from flickr
  • Things Will Get Better 5 of 8
    Things Will Get Better
    It's hard to see it now, deep in the fog and smoke of grief, but things do get better. Will things ever be the same, not likely, but things will look up again. Allow yourself the time to feel and go through your grief. It hurts, but it will be okay.
    Photo Credit: modified from flickr
  • Your Child Matters 6 of 8
    Your Child Matters
    It is hard to go through life perhaps being the only one who knew your child - this person that you loved from the moment two pink lines showed up. No matter how long they lived, how far gestation they were - your child matters. Speak of them if you wish and don't let others tell you that you shouldn't.
    Photo Credit: modified from flickr
  • Take Care of Yourself 7 of 8
    Take Care of Yourself
    There is no more important time to take care of yourself then when you are grieving. Being kind to yourself - taking time for yourself and being a little 'selfish' are important to healing and grieving.
    For advice on how to take care of yourself during grief read: Taking Care of You
    Photo Credit: modified from flickr
  • I Am So Sorry 8 of 8
    I Am So Sorry
    My heart aches every time I hear someone going through loss. I am so sorry for your loss & sending many virtual hugs.
    Photo Credit: modified from flickr

For more information and support for miscarriage, visit UnspokenGrief.com

Read more from Devan on Accustomed ChaosUnspoken Grief
Follow Devan on Facebook and Twitter for all updates!
Want more? Find me on Babble Kids!

MORE ON BABBLE

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Amazingly Bizarre Pregnancy Portriats
Amazing Waterbirth Photos

Photo credit: modified from flickr

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