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What To Expect When You're Expecting AKA Call The Doctor, Your Whole Family Is Dying

Mira Jacobs writes, in her hilarious piece about the adaptation of best-selling pregnancy bible, What To Expect When You’re Expecting for the big screen, that the concept seems more appropriate for the “horror” genre than the romantic comedy. She and her husband (and many others) found the book utterly frightening:

“Maybe it was the tone—dry and authoritative, with a hint of the-worst-is-yet-to-come. Maybe it was the connection of what seemed like mild symptoms to horrible your-fetus-is-melting scenarios. Maybe it was the scary picture of the sexless pregnant woman on the front cover, wearing the cardigan of “I’ve given up entirely.” Whatever the reason, WTEWYE made us more agitated, and paralyzed, and useless than any other new parent book on the block. Late in my pregnancy, my husband even renamed it Call the Doctor, You’re Whole Family is Dying.”

Now that’s a movie I’d like to see. Can they get the authors of the Scream franchise on board? Skeet Ulrich as the obstetrician? Neve Campbell as the now 40-odd “mature age mother” expecting her first baby and experiencing EVERY SINGLE nightmare scenario outlined in What To Expect? Or maybe it could be darker and spookier, a kind of Rosemary’s Baby where a woman is haunted not by her neighbors and devil spawn but by the contents of a book. Maybe that catatonic cardigan-wearing mommy on the rocking chair comes to life! OMG, the mind reels.

Let’s hope Tina Fey, Samantha Bee or some other clever mother gets a go at the script. There’s so much in this book that could make for great drama, but please, make the Halloween release that it was meant to be.

And PS, thanks for the shout-out Mira. She writes that she prefers From The Hips, the pregnancy and birth book I co-authored. This is quite heartwarming as one of the big reasons Rebecca and I wrote this book was to provide what we hoped would be a much needed antidote to What To Expect.

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