What's The Rush, Mariah?

Dude.  I am SO over celebrities and their mad dash to publish swimsuit pics as soon as is humanly possible after giving birth.

I’m looking at you Tori Spelling. Or you, Denise Richards, posing for Playboy within months of childbirth.

Chill out!  Take a breather.  Lounge with your baby for hellsakes! Give the world time to miss you!

Mariah Carey, who, at 42, gave birth to twins Moroccan and Monroe just three months ago, is the latest celeb to cave to the pressure.

She posted this photo on Twitter yesterday:


“Ocean work out! It’s been a loooong time since I’ve been in the ocean.”  Mariah wrote with her TwitPic.

Granted this isn’t the usual suck it in and air brush until you can’t air brush no more Tori Spelling post-baby celeb photo, but still.  Can’t you see Mimi’s team trying to figure out a way to get her in the public eye in a swimming suit?  There is probably a crew of 20 people on the other side of the lens. Look, we’ll put her in the ocean splashing around like it’s the greatest day of her life, we’ll make sure the waves go right to her waist for optimum weight hiding and then she’ll suck in until her lungs explode, fling her arms out and BOOM!  Photo-op.

And what d’ya know?  E Online headlines scream “Mariah Carey Flaunts Her Postbaby Swimsuit Bod“. The Daily Mail has already got a story up titled “New mother Mariah Carey is back in shape and back in a swimsuit after giving birth to twins!” Access Hollywood goes with “Mariah Carey Makes A Splash With Her Toned Postbaby Body!”

I know I sound super skeptical of Mariah’s ocean visit but this whole mad dash to have an awesome body weeks after delivery is such a disservice to every mama out there who just pushed out a baby and feels like crap. Look! Mariah Carey just had TWINS at 42 and she’s back in shape you fat, lazy oaf!

Eff that noise.

I’m still waiting for a celeb to just say screw it and post a photo of their fat ass dangling off the rocking chair as they rock baby to sleep. Or, hey! Show us your stretch marks. At this point, we’re bored of your tanned and toned bodies. Stretch marks would be an oh so welcome relief. Who’s with me?

Article Posted 5 years Ago
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