When a Miscarriage Changes Things: 7 Ways My Next Pregnancy Will Be Different
While I’m at a temporary standstill on my journey to motherhood until we figure out what’s going on with my uterus, the pause has given me time to think about how my next pregnancy is going to be different because of the 2nd-trimester loss of my twins.
Mostly, I’m scared. I had made it almost halfway through my pregnancy, and hadn’t had one single issue, complication, or red flag the entire 17 weeks. In fact, my pregnancy couldn’t have been more picture perfect. Until that awful night when my water broke and my twins died.
My pregnancy went from Perfect to Worst Thing Ever in under 24 hours. I went from learning the sexes of our twins at noon on Friday to their death 21 hours after my water broke on Saturday.
That sort of thing messes you up a bit. I mean, I’m okay. I’m going about my daily life. I’ve been able to manage my depression with the help of a bereavement group. And I have the greatest support system anyone could ever hope for – one that all women who experience such a tragedy should have.
I’ve come to terms — or at least as close to terms as I possibly could — with what happened. My babies are gone. Done. Nothing can change that.
But looking forward, I have a harder time accepting how my miscarriage will change things. I had surprised myself by how little stress and anxiety surrounded my last pregnancy. In fact, I had never felt or been so relaxed in all my life. With my next pregnancy, though, I can’t imagine not being a Nervous Nelly the entire time.
However, the effects of my miscarriage don’t just begin and end with my emotional state. There will be real and actual differences with my next pregnancy that will only exist because of the loss of my previous pregnancy.
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I Will Worry
When I first found out I was pregnant with my last pregnancy, my biggest concern was whether I'd suffer from morning sickness or not. My next pregnancy? I'll likely be worried the entire time – about everything.
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I'll Have to Take Progesterone Shots
My doctor said she'll put me on progesterone shots beginning at 14 weeks, stating that many women who lose their babies preterm have had success delaying labor with progesterone shots.
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We'll Use a Frozen Embryo
My last pregnancy resulted from a fresh embryo transfer via my second IVF cycle. I still have four embryos frozen from that cycle, and we will use one this next go-round.
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It Will be a Singleton Pregnancy
We will not, however, transfer two embryos this time like we did last time. Every specialist I have seen has said that maybe the twin pregnancy was behind my loss. But no one knows for sure. Now that I know I can get pregnant, we'll transfer one embryo and pray I can stay pregnant.
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It Will Be Deemed High Risk Because of My 'History'
My 2nd-trimester miscarriage will automatically place me in a high-risk category the next time I'm pregnant. Since none of the doctors know why my water broke at 17 weeks, I'll have to me monitored more closely...
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I'll Have Weekly Cervical Checks
which will include weekly cervical checks. My OB will looking for changes in my cervix's thickness, size, and length.
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I'll be Pregnant During a Different Season
I've always said I would never want a winter baby. It's a miserable season here in the northeast, and everyone I know with a holiday-time birthday can't stand it. But now, I just want a healthy and successful pregnancy that brings me a healthy baby – even if that means a Christmas Day birth!
Photo: iStockphoto
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There is something about miscarriage that just blows away any kind of relax nature you can have about pregnancy. We lost 3 before my son, and they were early losses, but two of which were only discovered via ultrasound. My pregnancy with my son I was crippled with worry and doubt the whole time. I panicked before ultrasounds, got wound up before midwife heartbeat checks. I was a wreck the whole time. I was even induced a full week earlier than is considered usual, and is very unusual here in the UK, because I broke down infront of one of the hospital doctors and confessed I didn’t believe we were going to get to bring our baby home.
I’m pregnant again, and while I’m slightly more relaxed this time I have midwife check tomorrow and am terrified, and a scan on Friday and am so scared.
It doesn’t go away, but it’s normal. Just be as honest as you can be about how scared you are. Whenever I said our sons name to myself before he was born I added, born sleeping, at the end.
Pregnancy loss changes you. It makes it so hard to enjoy this wonderful thing, and I am honestly jealous of the joy that first time pregnant people have. I’m sorry you lost that, but I have everything crossed for you.
PS – my son was born 23/12/11, Christmas baby here. It’s not all that bad!