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When the Navy Intervenes

By mybottlesup |

Our military wedding: Oct. 16, 2004

Chances are very likely that my husband will not be at the birth of our child this spring. We are a military family, and as of now, he is scheduled to be deployed at that time.

The realization of that sucks. It just does. No one wants to be separated from their partner when your baby is coming in to the world. No one wants to endure childbirth without their partner right beside them.

Unfortunately, this is our reality, so we’re handling with it the best way we know how… day by day, knowing that we’ve been through rough times and we’re still here. Still goin’ strong.

We knew before we got pregnant that this was highly likely to happen. When Paul was transfered to this squadron, we saw the deployment schedule… Then I peed on a stick… and BOOM, the reality of him being gone for the birth hit us.

I’ve already asked my mom to be ‘my person’ and be there with me when the baby is born, whether I’m in a birthing suite or in the operating room. Paul is attending as many doctor’s visits with me that his schedule allows, which he did when I was pregnant with Jackson too. We are doing the best we can to prep now… kinda.

Speaking of Jackson though, he has not yet experienced a deployment. We have been lucky enough since having Jackson, to have Paul at home with us. After 7 years of marriage, I am fairly seasoned when it comes to having a husband who is gone for extended periods of time… but this will be new for Jackson, and I’m not quite sure what to expect.

We have a wonderful support network, and in my heart, I know that we will be fine when it comes time for Paul to deploy again. But I do worry about him, his safety (obviously), and what being gone for the birth of this child will do to him.

It’s hard to ‘plan’ a pregnancy, regardless of the circumstances in your life. Whether you are a military family or not, life has a funny way of saying ‘guess what, you’re not in charge,’ which is exactly what we were told this time last year, when I miscarried. Paul and I had talked about adding to our family, and of course, his work is a big player in terms of the layout of our lives. We tried to plan as best as we could for him to be home throughout the pregnancy and delivery, but the universe just smiled and shook its head.

Once I was mentally in a more stable place and ready to try again after the miscarriage, we had to surrender the timing of it all. The bottom line is that we want more kids. We want a bigger family. And thank goodness we were able to get pregnant this time around.

Paul will most likely not be here on this baby’s birthday, but I *think* I’m learning that it will all be ok. We will all be ok.

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22 thoughts on “When the Navy Intervenes

  1. Jana A says:

    Oh NIc, that sucks. I’m sorry, mama. I know you’ll be ok but it still just sucks. Maybe I’ll come hang with you when it’s time :)

  2. mybottlesup says:

    @JANA A- thank you, my beautiful friend. my doors are always for you and yours. xo

  3. Jennifer L says:

    You have a great outlook on this. You will be okay. My SO will likely miss the birth of our first child this spring as well. It’s hard. We’re 3,000 miles away from everyone, my mother isn’t involved. His mother may be able to come down, but that’s if the baby cooperates with his/her due date. It’s a scary thought to do it on my own, but I have tons of surrogate family here and all over the world.

    Sending you lots of love, many hugs, and more support for the courage you already have.

  4. Sarah says:

    I honestly think its stupid that he is serving a nation that is falling apart. I believe it is time to stay close to family and not be rushing off to fight a war that is absolutely pointless! the birth of your child and the life thats coming into this world matters more then anything. when u r joined in marriage you vow to each other to be there for one another and to weather it thru thick and thin, id think child birth is covered under that.. the vow to serve in the US military is not nearly as important. your husband should hands down be with you thru pregnancy and delivery and so forth.

  5. PrincessJenn says:

    No popping that baby out before I get there in April. I totally get dibs on walking with you while you’re in labor. ;-)

  6. cher says:

    Your story is an all to familiar one…one thing is Paul can revel in your pregnancy now,many fathers leave on a deployment not knowing they just created a life.

    I saw a commercial that made me cry,but may help y’ll a little there was a computer on the tray table,with a deployed husband on the screen,I know it’s not even close to him being there,but he can watch from afar,hear whats going on,watch your mom helping you in his place,and get to see and hear your new born baby,as she or he is born and placed in your arms.

    Small cancellation for a momentous event,but,its better than him not being able to experience it at all,and as well,he’ll get to see Jackson’s reaction.

    Everything will work out wonderfully,and as you said he’ll be home for the babies first birthday,you’ll have Skype so he can watch the baby grow and advance..

    Safe Birth,And Navy Be safe!!

    Sincerely.Cher

  7. Sara Carr says:

    I read your story and automatically remembered back to when my daughter was born. My husband is in the Army and like your situation was deployed when our first baby was due to arrive. He couldn’t be here for the birth, so my parents came down to stay with me. As much as I hated not having him there it ended up working out. My daughter was breech and I needed a C-section. This meant that both my daughter and I would be at the hospital for a full 48 hours and when I came home I would be weak. My husband was able to come home when our daughter was 2 weeks old and stay 15 days. By the time he came home, I was up and moving around, and we had a good schedule going. We were able to enjoy him being home more and not have to deal with the hospital. I wish you lots of luck and feel free to send me a message if you need to talk. It can be hard being a military wife.

  8. mybottlesup says:

    @JENNIFER L- thank you very much for saying that. i feel for you. it’s especially hard to be so far away from extended family. glad to hear you have surrogate family support. i’ll be keeping you in my thoughts.
    @PRINCESSJENN- done and done. :)

  9. Christina says:

    You can do it. I was an Army wife for a long time and we had 15 month deployments. Its really hard but we (women like us) can do it better then most. *Hang in there* —>From someone who knows.

  10. justme says:

    I don’t know where he will be and what the communication will be like but a few wives in my husband’s old unit had scheduled inductions while their husband’s were deployed so that they could skype. It will depend on command and I know it’s not the same as having him there but it might be something to think about.

  11. Carmen V. says:

    Well I for one like the feeling that I am not the only one going through this. Although the feeling of not having your husband around during the delivery/c-section(in my case) really sucks, I can totally relate to what you’re going through. My husband is currently deployed, he left in August, and isn’t scheduled to come back until next august. I am now 31 weeks gestation (7mo. pregnant), and my due date is creeping up little by little. As always with the military it is unsure if he willl be able to come home for the birth. This is our 3rd child, and I am also considered a “High Risk” Pregnancy. I was high risk for all 3 pregnancies. I just pray that he is able to come home in time for the delivery, or even just to spend time with the baby. If he isn’t able to, our baby will be 7 months old before she gets to see her daddy in person. Makes me sad.

  12. Jennifer L says:

    @MYBOTTLESUP – That’s one of the better benefits of the military, IMO, you always have surrogate family somewhere. ;)

  13. catherine says:

    My husband has missed most of my pregnancy with our son and will most likely miss his birth due to being in the army. I feel for you. He has also missed out on lots of firsts with our.daughter. But you have a good.attitude.and.yes all will be ok.

  14. snakecharmer says:

    I’m an army wife (canadian) and I totally know what your dealing with and yes, it does totally suck. Glad to hear that you’ll have a great support network around you when it counts (although it’s still not the ideal)! Stay strong!

  15. Nadia says:

    That has to be tough. I can’t imagine not being able to have my husband there. Your husband is so brave for serving for our country. We are so grateful for the sacrifices that military families make to keep us safe. Good luck with your pregnancy and birth. My thoughts will be with you.
    http://www.fitandpreggers.com

  16. Lisa says:

    My husband is in the Navy too (submarine) and we’re not sure if he’ll be here for the birth of our first baby in March. The submarine just leaves whenever it wants and comes back whenever it wants. It sucks, because we’re thousands of miles from all family and don’t know a soul in Hawaii. Hopefully we’ll know more next year and maybe I can fly home a month before. But hopefully, he’ll be here :)

  17. mybottlesup says:

    @SNAKECHARMER & @NADIA- thank you both for your kind words and encouragement. this right here is a support network in itself, and much appreciated.

  18. Patricia Mastrovito says:

    I’m so sorry Nicole. I have been reading your postings and I think you are so inspiring. You are a very strong woman to be able to handle all of this and I just wanted to drop you a line to let you know that everything WILL be ok because the that is the universe’s wish for you and Paul. What a blessing that you got pregnant again after the miscarriage. I don’t think planning pregnancies really works since we aren’t in control. We can plan all we want but if the timing or the pregnancy isn’t right, the universe will intervene and allow it to happen at the right time–and that time for you is now:) Thank you for sharing your personal triumphs and trepidations with us. That kind of honesty makes you that much more beautiful:) – Patricia Mastrovito

  19. Amanda says:

    My husband and I are both active duty Navy, and I gave birth to our first child in August. He was deployed from right after we found out we were having a boy, and will continue to be gone until he’s about 6 months old. I know its hard, but its doable. I had my mom be “my person” with me, and it was absolutely wonderful. I had a picture of my hubby on the table next to the bed through out delivery, And he managed to squeeze in a call about an hour before our son was born. Good luck, and try to enjoy the time anyways :-) What I did to help my son was get two of those Hallmark books you can record your voice reading with, and had my hubby do those for our son. They are GREAT and super easy to do. Congrats again on your upcoming little one!

  20. Michelle Kersey says:

    :( I’ve been there. My husband was supposed to be deployed when our first was to be born. We tried to plan the best we could as well, and it was either he be gone for the birth, or be gone when I might need him to get through the pregnancy. We left it up to the powers that be, and got pregnant very quickly, which meant he would be deployed when I had the baby.
    I found out the week before his deployment that they were going to leave him behind and fly him out later. I was so thankful for that. I had no one there, and had just moved to a new state a month before due to his sub getting out of dry dock.
    I wish you much luck! It is not easy either way. For your son, there’s a few ways to “help”. There is a system at Barnes and noble you can buy where your husband can record stories, any books you want, and your son uses a little “pen” and points it on a sticker. It’s amazing, my mom does it for my son.
    Then there’s “daddy dolls” which is a very cute idea too.

    Good luck, you’ll make it though, you have no other choice. That is life life of a military wife. I don’t think people give enough Kudos to Military wives… it is a very difficult life.

  21. Amy says:

    My husband had to be deployed during the birth of our first, but he had an awesome CAG who let him come home for a week. It was wonderful for him to be here for the birth but SO hard to see him leave a few days later. Thankfully he has been home for the other births! Good luck to you!

  22. Tammy says:

    I am the active duty member in my family. My hubby used to travel for work all the time (i was lucky if I saw him on weekends) but since we started having kids, his work scheduled slowed then stopped leaving me the sole wage earner. It’s tough to be a mil spouse. I hope you have a great mil family in addition to mom. Reach out & stay in touch with the squadron ombudsman. They’ll help in any way they can. So will FFSC. Good luck.

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