A relationship with a midwife (or an OB, for that matter) is really a personal, intimate one. Especially if you’ve experienced previous births with the same midwife. They become a part of the family, someone who was “there” when things got important. You trust them implicitly.
You have to.
But yesterday, at 24 weeks pregnant, I had to break up with my midwife.
Have you ever had a run-in with your midwife or OB that made you feel as though you had to part ways, but you didn’t have the nerve (or the stress-coping skills) to go through with the breakup? Did you stay in the relationship even though you knew moving on would be better?
Sometimes things happen, things are said, and just like any relationship – lines are crossed to where you realize the relationship just can’t continue. Trust is gone, and really. Trust takes too long to be rebuilt doesn’t it? In our case, we had different ideas on natural care, different ideas about everything actually. This was a new development that I did not see coming, as previously I thought we’d always been on the same page.
It’s sad, and yes it feels like a breakup, no matter how necessary.
Frankly, I no longer felt like I had a midwife. I felt like I had an OB assistant. And those of you with midwives or OB’s know there are some that just aren’t a good fit, and it doesn’t reflect on the community of midwives/OB’s at all.
We’ve found another (much better fit) midwife now, and I’m really excited to continue the rest of the pregnancy with her. She gets me, and I can already tell we have the same vision on births.
I’d love to hear your experiences – have you ever had a breakup like this?
Dare to Doula? Info on choosing one for labor and delivery