Why I Hate Modern Maternity Clothes

Measuring tape around protuberant abdomenSo I’m coming up on 34 weeks pregnant and it is safe to say my belly is officially gigantic. I’m not just imagining it–I am bigger with this pregnancy than with my first two and I’ve entered the stage where everyone is saying, “Wow, not too much longer, huh??” (Um, actually, I’ve got 6 weeks left, but thanks for implying I look ready to go now…)

Anyway! At some point last week I realized that very few of my current maternity clothes still fit! Yes, my belly is growing at a scary rate but I’m also starting to pack on that very special “extra” weight in my hips, butt, and thighs. I call this my “evolutionary safety weight”–i.e. if my hunter/gatherer husband was to take off after delivery and not come back I know my body is packing this fat on so I can feed my baby and not starve. Thanks, mother nature. Siiiiiigh.

I realized this weekend that modern maternity clothes are designed to look and fit just like regular clothes–so they actually don’t have as much give as I would like. That is, my maternity jeans are tight, boot-cut jeans. And what happens if anyone gains 10 pounds (or, ahem, 20 pounds)? You need new jeans! That’s where I am. The maternity pants I’ve been wearing since I started showing in December now no longer fit, like, at all. I can’t scooch them up over my expanding ass, no way, no how. The only thing that works are leggings and I’m getting really tired of tugging on the same, sad pair of cropped black leggings.

I can’t help but be a bit jealous of the maternity clothing designs of generations past. You know, those flowey dress tops with peter pan collars? You bought one or two and, yes, you looked like you were wearing a paper bag but at least you were comfortable for the entire 9 months and you were done shopping!

Instead, I’m off this week to spend another chunk of money on maternity clothes just to cover me for the next 6 weeks. Oh, I want some Betty Draper maternity clothing so bad right now!

Photo credit: iStock

Read more of Claire’s writing at Rants from MommylandAnd for even more silliness follow her on FacebookTwitter, and Pinterest.

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