The minute I found out I was pregnant, I referred to the baby as a girl. I hoped it was a girl, I believed it was a girl, I brainstormed girl’s names. It wasn’t that I didn’t want a boy, it was just that I always imagined I would have a girl. I know that probably sounds silly, but it was just the way it was in my mind.
I have an older sister, a younger half sister and 3 step sisters. I have twice as many female cousins as male and grew up on a street that had something like 15 little girls and one boy. Basically, I grew up with almost all girls. Until my male cousin was born in 2001, I had literally never been around a baby boy. I had never seen one grow up, it was just not an experience I had available to me. I now also have a 2 year old cousin who is male, but the balance is still skewed heavily towards girls.
My desire or notion that I would have a girl was not born out of a desire not to have boys, it was just because I really didn’t know how I would raise them. If that makes any sense.
Around 10 weeks, I started feeling like this baby was a boy. My husband, obviously giving this inkling more seriousness it merited, asked me if I was disappointed. I thought for a minute and realized that truly, I wasn’t. Having a boy was never a bad thing in my mind and now that I think that’s what we’re going to have, I find myself almost more excited about a boy than I was about a girl (which means it’s totally a girl and I’m going to be eating these words in a week).
I realized sometime recently that I have no idea how to raise a baby of either sex, so it really couldn’t matter less which one it this baby is. I may be more familiar with girl activities (and my husband, who was raised in a family of dancers kind of is too), but I am certain that it won’t take long to figure out some boy activities if necessary. Plus, I don’t really plan to force only masculine sports/activities on my kid if he’s a boy, so the worry itself is probably not something worth my time.
I found myself in a baby store yesterday (for a friend, not for myself because we’re just not there yet), and I was drawn to the boy clothes, the boy bedding and away from the sea of pink I always imagined I’d be immersed in. It isn’t that I no longer want a girl, I think I have just come to be totally content with either, because what I want the most is a healthy, happy baby. And obviously that’s what I always wanted, but the sex of the baby just seems less important than it did a few weeks ago.
We’re still absolutely going to find out the sex next week because we are the most impatient people in the whole world. But I can honestly say that though this wasn’t always the case, I will be equally thrilled (and unprepared) with a boy or a girl.