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Why You Should Stop Saying "Just Relax and It Will Happen" to Anyone Trying to Conceive

Why You Should Stop Saying "Just Relax & Stop Trying and You'll Get Pregnant"I have a feeling I will be moving on to my 7th month trying to conceive. My test date is a few days away and I am hopeful, yet not convinced.

I am surprised it is taking so long (And yes, before you get on me, I know it’s not “that long.”) because we are doing “everything right.” I am ovulating, we are timing everything correctly and there may be a few things indicating why it’s not happening yet, but I am bummed.

It’s a weird ride, this trying to conceive thing. There are many ups and downs, getting excited and then being upset. There are complicated emotions that can leave you feeling upside down. For me, there has been the added stress of my complicated history of 12 miscarriages and the path I need to take when it comes to adding to our family. I have been and will continue to be open about our struggles and joys and am thankful to have you all share your anxieties and celebrations along with me.

I wrote last week about my trying to conceive anxieties. Sort of a get-it-all-off-my-chest post, a vent about what I am discouraged and worried about. It’s therapeutic to let it out and can be a healthy and important part of working through stress. I received some amazing comments, loving support and while I know that everyone means well, there were a few people who gave me some advice. While I am never really a fan of unsolicited advice, I do accept that people are trying to help and I open myself up to that when I share on a platform such as this. I do have one peeve though and a request, please stop giving this piece of bad advice: “Just stop trying and relax and it will happen.” Click through below and I’ll tell you why:


  • It Invalidates Feelings 1 of 7
    It Invalidates Feelings
    If someone is pouring out their heart, unless they specifically ask for advice, they are likely just wanting someone to listen. Be careful when you offer unsolicited advice.
    Photo credit: Photostock
  • It Might Not Happen 2 of 7
    It Might Not Happen
    The worries about trying to conceive or it taking longer than on had hoped is real. It may not happen for them and offering an idea that it will if.... can be hurtful.
    Photo credit: Photostock
  • Anxiety is the Real Deal 3 of 7
    Anxiety is the Real Deal
    The anxiety over the struggle to get (or stay) pregnant is real.Offering this piece of 'advice' can feel more about what you're doing 'wrong' or why it's not working vs listening to the anxiety.
    Photo credit: Photostock
  • Doesn’t Really Work That Way 4 of 7
    Doesn't Really Work That Way
    Relaxing and not thinking about it won't necessarily get you pregnant. It may work for some couples to take this route, but doesn't mean it works for all.
    Photo credit: Photostock
  • Some People Medically Can’t Just Wait 5 of 7
    Some People Medically Can't Just Wait
    Such as for myself. I can't just wait and let it happen. There are others too & I don't just mean because I like to control things (which I do). I medically need to know when I ovulate, when I implant and get tested for pregnancy early or I have a real risk of the pregnancy ending far too soon.
    Photo credit: Photostock
  • What You Could Say 6 of 7
    What You Could Say
    Don't try to fix it. You should try to step away from unsolicited advice and telling your friend what they should or shouldn't do. Instead, validate what they are feeling offer your ear.
    Photo credit: Photostock
  • What You Can Do 7 of 7
    What You Can Do
    After months of trying, the stress can add up. You can go with your friend to a support group or keep offering your ear and not try to 'fix' it. Just listen.
    Photo credit: Photostock

Photo credit: iStockPhoto

*****

Read more from  on Accustomed Chaos & Unspoken Grief

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