Wrapping My Head Around It

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A question I get asked a lot with this twin pregnancy is, “So, do you feel like you’ve wrapped your head around it all yet?”

It’s one I think of a lot. Certainly, in the 9 weeks since finding out we were having twins, I’ve experienced a rollercoaster of emotions unlike any I’d ever felt. From pure joy to grief to terror to guilt – and it was over and over.

Each time I realized something would need to be done in twos, or not done at all, or I might not be able to do, I went through a struggle of acceptance and realization that my knowledge of a pregnancy and baby would be so very different this time around. 

So now, 18 weeks in, I can say that I feel like I’m wrapping my head around it in this moment. I can’t imagine much of their first few months with us because it’s almost incomprehensible to picture it yet. But what I can imagine is tomorrow. Next week. Right now. I have chosen to take smaller periods of time to focus on and adjust to because big changes happen very suddenly in this pregnancy.

I mean, in 9 weeks we’ve gone from fraternal to identical to boys to very high risk. That’s enough for me – the last thing I need to is also start focusing on 4 months from now or a year from now.

It’s all getting easier to process. But I know when they’re laid in my arms, it’ll start a whole new journey of emotions. And if I can handle the ones now, it might be easier then when they all hit again for new reasons.

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Diana blogs on more on raising a toddler daughter, a surprise twin pregnancy, being an Army wife, and her crazy life on the aptly named Hormonal Imbalances.

Smaller glimpses into her day are on Twitter as @lifeasaSAHM and Facebook.

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