You've Probably Offended A Pregnant Woman
Boy or girl? I don't care. I'll take either.
Have you ever known anyone that had three boys and began trying for a fourth baby? Did you ask them, “Going for your girl?”
When they found out that baby was also a boy, did you heartily congratulate them or did you say something like “Dude, that’s a lot of boys!” Or did you actually say something along the lines of “Too bad. Are you going to keep trying for a girl?”
For some reason everyone assumes that every parent wants a child of each gender. Not so.
Take Amy Wilson. She’s a mother of two boys who constantly heard the question “Going for your girl?”, while pregnant with her third child. “Nooo, just going for a baby”, Amy would testily reply. “Another boy would be fine with us.” In an article on Parenting.com Amy expresses her annoyance with people’s reactions to her pregnancy:
I know these people are just making conversation. But this constant assumption leaves me a little offended. What’s wrong with boys? Why wouldn’t I want another one? It bothers me that people assume I feel incomplete without a daughter, let alone that it’s my motivation for being pregnant with a third child in the first place.
As Rebecca Odes pointed out when Celine Dion gave birth to her third son, people already began questioning whether the singer was happy. Rebecca says there are plenty of things worth missing when both your children are the same sex, including, even, your own pre-conditioned attitudes about gender:
Fewer expenses, via hand me downs and an easier setup for sharing rooms. Stronger sibling connections, or a higher likelihood of them. The thing I’m most jealous of in parents of two kids of the same sex is a sense of one’s kids as real individuals, free from gender stereotypes. I find myself lumping my kids’ personality traits into gender buckets all the time: “Boys need to run around.” “Girls are better at playing alone.” But really, I have no idea whether those things have anything to do with my kids’ sexes, or just who they are as people.
I noticed the same thing from the opposite end of the spectrum when I learned I was having a boy. I already have a daughter so people would constantly say, “Oh, you’re so lucky! You’ve got one of each! Now you can be done!” It’s not that I wasn’t happy that I was having a boy, I totally was. But I also really, really want a sister for Violet so a girl would’ve been great too.
So the next time you feel inclined to project your feelings about gender onto someone else by giving a positive or negative reaction to the sex of their unborn child, lay off! For as many people out there who won’t feel complete without boys and girls, there are others who just don’t care or really do want all boys or all girls. So, even if it’s their fifth boy, smile and laugh and tell them how exciting that is! Because you never know, they just might really be going for an entire Little League team.
I was honestly a little bit sad and scared when I found out I was having a boy, but I kept it to myself because I was also really happy that my little one is healthy and happy in there. I am one of 2 girls and when I nannied, I mostly nannied for baby girls, so girls are definitely more in my comfort zone. I don’t know anything about boys! It makes me uncomfortable when people ask if I’m disappointed about not having a girl because I don’t want to divulge those feelings to random people.
My first was a girl, and while I was pregnant with baby #2, not only did people ask if I wanted a boy, people actually said “I hope it’s a boy this time” without realizing that we were actually hoping for another girl. It annoyed me so much! And when our baby came out a boy, we fell in love with him, but we would have been over the moon either way. Now that we are expecting baby #3, nobody really asks if we are hoping for one over the other. in fact, some people were a little surprised (like my MIL) that we were even having another one since we already have one of each. As though that automatically makes your family feel complete.
I did hear this a lot — “You’ve got your boy and your girl, you’re done!” Umm, no. I’m not. (Obviously lol.) Or, people asked me, “So are you done? When are you having another?” I mean, strangers asked me that. Since when is that anyone’s business if or when I plan to have another child? I don’t ask others that. This time, people even ‘understood’ why we’re not finding out the gender — “Well, you’ve already got one of each, it doesn’t matter!” It never mattered. I wanted a child, not specifically a boy or a girl! I don’t know why people are so hung up on gender and “perfect” families. Mine will be perfect no matter what I have, thank you.
I feel your pain. I have a son and a daughter and everybody assumed that we were done, because we have one of each *insert eye rolling*.
and second because I did not want people to come up to me and describe my babies personalities based only on the gender, like: “OMG, boys are though” or “Oh, girls are so sweet” or the other way around. All I know is that babies are people and they have their own personalities and I want to discover them, not have strangers describe my babies before they are even here.
I did not find out the sex of my babies, first because I LOVE SURPRISES
People get so offended over the littlest stuff.. This blog pretty much said that anyone who expresses joy or anguish over your baby, whatever sex it may be, are just out to ‘offend’ you. Maybe they’re just trying to make conversation with whatever ammo you give them? Shut up. Jeez.
Too hypersensitive!!! It’s not like people are asking you if the baby is really your husbands! Two choices, boy or girl… Do you want people to ask of you are having a transgender child? Get over your pissy attitudes.
No, I’ve never said that to a pregnant woman. I am due in 2 days and we are waiting to be suprised by our baby’s gender. We truly don’t care either way; I get excited about girls clothes, my husband gets excited about boy clothes–and I get excited thinking about our boy name, while he is in love with or girl name.
It is funny how people have a preference- especially kids.
I have said to the dad “you just like to make girls” or “you just make boys” to people who have 3 or more children of the same gender.