The Babble List: Fathers-in-Chief
We rank the parenting of every single U.S. President, from worst to best.
by Madeline Holler
November 3, 2008
THE MEDIOCRE
James A. Garfield (20th - Republican)
Garfield raised decent kids but here's his standout info: he was totally obsessed with masturbation. He distributed tracts about its harms. And he condemned himself for his own self-lusting ways, even attributing the act to his own preoccupation with gay sex.
Grover Cleveland (22nd and 24th - Democart)
Born in a different century, this guy would have been booked on one of Maury Povich's "DNA Testing/Help! I Married My Son's Sister" episodes for sure. Prior to becoming president, Cleveland was fingered as a possible father to the illegitimate son of widow Maria Crofts Halpin — as was his best friend and law partner, Oscar Folsom — but only Cleveland stepped up to pay child support. Now things take a turn for the Woody Allen: at 49, while serving his first term in office, Cleveland married a 21-year-old Francis Folsom, whose upbringing he had supervised as the executor of her father's estate. And guess who the girl's father was? Oscar Folsom! Namesake and likely the real father of little Oscar Folsom Cleveland. By the way, Francis and Grover had five children, including daughter Baby Ruth, who is widely — and falsely — believed to have inspired the candy bar.
Lyndon B. Johnson (36th - Democrat)
On the one hand, his kids could probably really swear well since Dad was a heavy user of salty language. We like that. On the other hand, it's possible he fathered a love child, which makes us feel defensive for
Lady Bird. On good dad/bad dad, Johnson's 50/50. Are we being too stingy?
Herbert Hoover (31st - Republican)
He had two successful sons. Fine. But he seems to have dedicated even more hours to his dam, Stanford University (he claims to have been the first student enrolled there), and his wife. Not that there's anything wrong with that!
Rutherford B. Hayes (19th - Republican)
Hayes practiced attachment parenting by taking his kids along to encampments six months at a time. Bonus points for starting a kid-friendly White House tradition: the Easter egg roll.
William Howard Taft (27th - Republican)
Taft gets credit for raising a suffragist and two respected politicans.
Calvin Coolidge (30th - Republican)
Coolidge appropriately sunk into a deep and debilitating depression after his son died from a blister on his toe. Wouldn't you?
©2008 Babble
About the Author
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Madeline Holler is a writer and mother of two. She lives in Long Beach, California. |
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