I have a confession to make. I have dated every kind of man known to man. But I am not ashamed. Dating players, mama’s boys and cheap-o’s is a right of passage for single women. Before we plan our dream wedding and tie the knot, we have to date Mr. Wrong, even if he buys us drinks while comparing us to Halle Berry…and then makes us pay the tab.
So, ladies, lets take a trip down memory lane (or scream into our pillow if this sounds like your present stud). Here are 10 men women date before settling down.
1. The Bad Boy
Some women call him a player, while others call him Rico Suave. Whatever his name, he will use smooth talk and say you are his one and only. His goal: to make sweet, sweet love to your cookie. “Cause I can’t get enough of your sweetness and want to treat you like the Queen that you are.” Yup. That’s exactly what he would say, right before he leaves you heartbroken and ready to slash his tires!
2. The Broke One
He is unemployed. But unlike other men in his situation (it is a bad economy after all), he is comfortable in his brokeness. He collects cans and does his laundry in his momma’s house so he can save on quarters. Your dates consist of going to his place and lying on his futon to “watch a movie.” And he is probably not looking for a job. He’s probably a struggling artist. Emphasis on struggling.
3. The Struggling Artist
He plays the guitar or paints or sculpts, or all of the above! He’s in a band, man, and he’s trying to make it, which means he’s usually broke. You’ll be his groupie, won’t you? No? Well, there he goes writing a song about you. You better hope he doesn’t get a record deal.
4. The Douche or The Frat Boy
A frat boy is usually douchetastic. He hangs out at dive bars after work and chug, chug, chugs all night long along with his fraternity brothers. And he usually uses the word “bro.” As in, “Bro, why are you not wasted?” Or as I like to translate it, “Bro, why are you at a dive bar at 40 years old trying to relive your college years at a frat house?”
5. The Mama’s Boy
A momma’s boy will defend his mother till the day he dies. Sure, it’s sweet. But it ain’t so cute when he takes her side and compares your cooking to hers (your cooking sucks, by the way). If he’s not living with her already, he is over at her place daily, or he’s bought a house next door ala Raymond Barone. He should just go back into her womb.
6. The Club Head, Producer, Rapper
He is all about the club all the time. If there’s a ladies night, a house night, a jazz night, a rave night – he knows about it and is promoting it on Facebook and Twitter. He may literally be a club promoter (or a producer or a rapper)! The Club Head may also be into the sweet nectar and a little more (starts with the letter ‘E’). Maybe he’s even a pothead. He will get you into the hottest club for free (he knows every bouncer and bartender, I tell you) but you’re never gonna make love outside the club.
7. The Workaholic
This guy is all about his j-o-b. Let me rephrase that: his career is priority number one. The Workaholic works 15 hour days and usually works on Wall Street or on Capitol Hill in DC. He doesn’t have time for your whining about how he spends no time with you. He’s trying to build an empire, woman! An empire you will never enjoy alongside him.
8. The Angry One
He hates his cat, his job, his apartment and anyone who has anything good to say about any of it. And don’t get him to a bar. Bar fighting is his past time. The Angry One usually has some deep-seated issues. He’s a “broken bird” (that’s what Kary Perry said about John Mayer and I’m running with it). He’s a tortured soul who yells and punches walls. And probably hates hugs.
9. The Cheap-O
He asks you to go halfsies on the first date. By the third date, he tries to persuade you to Dine and Dash. Or worse, use coupons. He needs to learn that money comes and goes. Too bad you left him a long time ago.
10. The Too Nice Guy
We’ve all been with him – the nice guy who’s too nice so we walk all over him. He doesn’t argue with you about anything, not even that you cancelled a date last minute to drink with your girlfriends. He’s a pushover and treats you like a Queen. Too bad you want to take your scepter and hit him over the head with it so he grows a backbone.