The idea of divorce scares me. While divorce rates seem to be dropping in Canada, part of me wonders if that’s just because more couples are choosing not to sign the papers to make their marriage “legal”. In 2008, it was estimated that about 41% of marriages in Canada will end in divorce by the 30th wedding anniversary, which to me sounds like a long time, but certainly not forever.
My parents and my in-laws are still married, going strong by what I can see over 30 years later so I know there is hope for my husband and I. We’ve seen it and experienced it, but that doesn’t mean we’re divorce-proof. While I don’t anticipate any issues in the future (our marriage is what I would define as ‘happy’ now), I don’t want to assume that without working at it, all will be fine.
Building a life with someone is hard work, whether you’re married legally or not and I don’t think there will ever be a couple who just has it so easy that it never feels like work. For me, it’s not always what i would define as “work”, but it’s not totally stress-free and happy all the time either. I want to be married forever, I legitimately like my husband and our family and so I choose to make myself aware of some of the red flags that marriage may be heading for trouble, in case it ever happens.
Click through to read 10 signs that your marriage or relationship may be in trouble:
10 Signs Your Marriage May Be Heading For Trouble 1 of 11
Some warning signs that your marriage could be headed for trouble, including divorce.
You Spend Less Time Together 2 of 11
I get being busy and so does my husband, but if you find yourselves spending less and less time together or coming up with reasons not to hang out, that may be something you should address.
You Don’t Emotionally Confide 3 of 11
My husband is one of the very few people who I share all my anxieties and fears with. If I were to ever stop feeling comfortable emotionally confiding in him, I would think something was wrong.
You Become More Like Roomates 4 of 11
I've shared before my desire to keep some mystery in our marriage, despite living together. I think that if you and your partner begin to feel more like roommates, that can be a big red flag.
You Turn Outside Your Marriage 5 of 11
If you start to notice yourself or your partner turn outside your relationship for needs that aren't being met (whether emotional or sexual), that can be a huge indicator that there's something going on that could mean the end of your marriage.
You Argue More and More 6 of 11
Disagreeing and arguing is a part of life and to expect you'll always get along perfectly with your partner is living in a dream. If you find that you're arguing more and more over big and little things, you may need to re-work on your communication and dig to what's really going on.
You Play the Blame Game 7 of 11
I really believe that my husband should have my back, and I should have his. If you start to notice your marriage play the "blame game" verses true teamwork, that could mean some issues going on. If you keep ignoring them, they can fester, grow, and potentially destroy your relationship.
You’re Less and Less Intimate 8 of 11
There will be times in a marriage over and over where the intimacy sort of weavers and waves -- that's to be expected, at least in my experience. If you find it harder and harder to come back together after these times, or if you're getting that need met elsewhere, that could spell big trouble.
You Don’t Resolve Big Arguments 9 of 11
All marriages and relationships will have a big argument here and there. It's bound to happen and you can grow together stronger from it. That's not likely the case though if you never resolve the big issue and you keep going back to it after every new issue.
Expectations Are Out of Balance 10 of 11
We all have expectations on what we want our partner to do and/or not do. If you're finding that you're expecting more and more or less and less of your partner, outside what you think you normally would, that could mean you've lost touch with who they are and what you two are together.
One Person’s Needs Are More Important 11 of 11
If you ever find that you no longer take your partners needs into consideration or vise versa, that could spell trouble. If you no longer check in to see what each of you are doing or you just assume the other person will pick up your slack, that's a big way to see resentment grow and a marriage may be in jeoparty.
Also read: 10 Surprising Secrets of Successful Couples
:: What are some other signs your relationship may be in trouble? Share it in the comments! ::
Photo credits: photostock
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Devan is a freelance writer living in Toronto, Ontario with her husband, three kids and expecting baby #4 at the end of this year. Read more from Devan on Babble and “like” Accustomed Chaos on Facebook!
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