Take my case as an example. About a year ago, I ended a relationship with a wonderful man. He was good on paper. He treated me well. But we didn’t have that “it” factor. I wanted it to work so bad. At almost 35, I was ready to settle down. And so I did. I settled down with him for a year. I also settled.
If I had followed my intuition, I would have broken up with him six months into our relationship. I came so close to doing so. The words, “This isn’t working,” and “There is something missing,” lingered on my lips for minutes before I decided to keep fighting for us. There were so many signs that it would never work, that he would never be enough for me nor I for him. There are always red flags. The thing is, we often ignore them.
Don’t make my same mistake. Here are three signs that you should let go of a man that you’re getting to know.
1. There is no chemistry.
And I’m not talking about looks. Chemistry, connection, butterflies: Whatever you call “it,” it’s an integral part of romance. For me, chemistry is always instant. A man walks in, and I just know there’s a connection. It’s in the air. It’s in the way you speak to each other and look at one another. It’s indescribable, how good it feels. All you know is that it just feels right. So, if you’ve gone on a few dates with a man (I say about three) and there isn’t any chemistry, there is no romance. Without chemistry there is just friendship.
2. You have nothing in common.
I can’t emphasize how important this is. I know many couples who don’t like the same music or don’t like doing the same things. They are completely different in every which way. Yes, opposites attract, but it’s not about extremes; it’s about balance. So, if a man you are dating is hot and there’s chemistry, but he hates to travel and you need this in you life — Houston, we have a problem. You must have more common interests besides each other.
3. You don’t want the same things.
As in, you’re not on the same page. At this point in my life, I’m not looking for a boy toy or a man to like a lot. I want love. I want companionship. I want to be married and have children. I want a family to call my own. If you want this also, the man that you are getting to know should know and be on the same page. You may not be “it” for him or he for you, but at least you are honest about your needs. If he wants to play the field and you are ready to commit, if he doesn’t want kids and you want a baseball team, if you want to live in Paris and he never wants to leave NYC, your relationship is doomed. You will be settling for less than you are worth, less than you desire … just less. And you deserve more than mediocrity.
Photo Credit: Flickr.com/pictoquotes.