I am notoriously bad at online dating. (I say notoriously because I’m pretty open about that fact in my comedy and via social media, so it’s like everyone knows.) In fact, I really only maintain my OK Cupid profile because it provides a never-ending source of entertainment and material. But I do occasionally use it to send some random Romeo a message, and I almost always make a fool of myself. Here, some lines I have actually used to try to start a conversation online:
- Hey – I don’t know if I’m as mobile as the bike-loving dream gal you’re looking for because 1) I have a kid 2) she’s just learning how to ride a bike and 3) I don’t have a bike myself, but, you seem cool so I thought I’d at least say hi.
OMG please punch me in the face.
- You are the rare, rare bird on OKC who can express that you’re an intelligent, creative type without coming off like a pretentious prick, and you should be proud of that!
At the very least, this contains too much alliteration. Which in a first message is any amount of alliteration, btw.
- OKCupid has sent you to my inbox 3 times. After the third time I was like, “Fine! I’ll message him!” Ha.
I’ve never really been good at offline dating, either, in the sense that I am not a flirt. I’m a cool person, and I love to talk to people I don’t know, but I’m not the kind of gal who tosses her hair and giggles and says something cute like, “You should take me out to dinner.” I can’t. I’m too curvy to talk about food right away, lest I come off as hungry instead of horny. Oh, and you’re not supposed to be horny, either, right? Not if you want something lasting. So how do you find the perfectly flirty, cheeky, I-like-you-but-you-gotta-earn-it balance when trying to get a prospective date’s attention?
Here are some lines Tom Miller at YourTango says to try online:
- What do you say to a game of Words With More Than Friends?
- I need to hop over to Facebook for a second to change my status to smitten.
- They say online dating is a numbers game, can I get your number?
- We should take over Verizon because I don’t think they’ve ever had this kind of online connection.
- I wish your profile pic was just on Snapchat so I wouldn’t try to look at it every 20 minutes.
He’s got more, so go check ‘em out, and let me know what your favorite pickup lines are. No, better yet, let me know the most embarrassing thing you’ve ever said to try to get someone’s attention. Yeah. That’s it. That feels good.
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