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5 Things I’d Do If I Was Single Again

Last week I was interviewed for a podcast about relationships called Up 4 Discussion. The topic we discussed was “If I Was Single Again.” I don’t envision ever being single again, so it’s not something I think about. But me, the host, and another guest ended up chatting away and the conversation lasted well over an hour.

photo credit: Lara Cores via photopin cc

photo credit: Lara Cores via photopin cc

There were some interesting questions posed, which challenged both us guests, who are both in committed relationships, to really analyze our single days, how dating and single life is today, and how we would have handled it. As the conversation continued I found myself remembering those days as a single young man. Some of it I wasn’t too proud of, and honestly there is a lot I’d do differently.

Here are 5 things I’d do if I was single…

1. Be more concerned with the future…

When I was single I had a very short-sighted vision. Typically it was the weekend! I didn’t think about the choices I was making then in relation to how they’d impact my life today. Fortunately, my choices didn’t end up in really tragic or seriously life altering consequences, but they have had an impact on my married life today.

2. Be more concerned about other people…

One thing I realized int he conversation as I reflected on my single days was that I was really selfish then. It was all about me. I appeared to care about my girlfriends, but deep down it was only about getting my needs met. Selfishness is one of the biggest relationship killers and one of the biggest humps people must get over after they are married. It is probably so difficult because of so many years of life being about you.

3. Be better at handling my business…

Single life for me was about me and about having fun. I had no career focus, as I said earlier I was only  thinking about the weekend. So, when I got married I came into the marriage with debt, and not much of my own. I owned a car with a high monthly payment, and some clothes, but most of them were borrowed (purchased on credit cards). If I was single again I’d make sure I worked on myself and handled my business better so I’d be more equipped to focus on the relationship when it came.

4. Be more serious when it came to dating…

I never ever really committed to a relationship when I was single. To put it blunt, I was playing games. That approach made it harder for me to commit early on in our relationship. And it even made it a little weird for me at first when I did. Apparently those around me thought I was more serious than I was and sometimes took the “next step” for me (see this post about the story when my mom proposed to my girlfriend for me). Taking relationships more serious would have better prepared me for when our relationship began to develop.

5. Be ready for marriage…

Not very many men are ready for marriage. Very few men even think about marriage before marriage. I was one of those men. So, when we were married we were completely unprepared and had no clue what to expect. During our first year of marriage things weren’t going well, but fortunately we stumbled upon a marriage class which changed our perspective, changed our marriage, and changed our lives. Had I been ready for marriage we would have taken premarital classes and done some things which would have better prepared us for the challenges and hard work that comes with marriage.

What would you do if your were single again?

Read more from Jackie on his blog, JackieBledsoe.com, or catch all his relationship posts from around the web by subscribing to his weekly relationships newsletter!

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