Breakups can take a toll on us emotionally. I personally cry in the shower for weeks at a time after a breakup. I question everything, including my desirability, choices and future. I also do some serious ex-bashing. He could have been Rico Suave with a dash of Christian Bale and a pinch of Matthew McConaughey and I’d still yell, “Who said he was good in bed? Not me!!!”
That’s how bad I can get when heartbroken.
And it bugs me. A breakup should not be the end-all be-all of my happiness. I am always happier with a partner, but I shouldn’t be miserable without one. So, I did some inner digging, reflecting on how to be truly happy no matter what my lot in love. Here are five ways to find happiness after a breakup.
1. Become “self-first.”
And I don’t mean selfish. What I mean by being “self-first” is to truly know yourself. What do you desire in a relationship and in life? What makes you happy every day? What are your non-negotiables in relationships? What can’t you live without? What type of life do you want to live? Take this moment after a breakup to get to know yourself and love yourself inside and out.
2. Focus on the good without dwelling.
I know it’s hard to think of anything positive after a breakup. But you were with this man. You did care about him at some point or another, and maybe still do. Think of the good times. Find solace in the positive aspects of your relationship. Just don’t get stuck with these thoughts as thinking of good times can lead to dwelling, which brings on waterworks. You don’t want to join me in the shower.
3. Start mingling.
They say to get over someone you must get under someone. It’s not my style, but I do believe that mingling distracts the mind and lightens our heartache. Go on a date or two. Nothing serious. Bed him only if you’re ready. Get out there. It serves as a great distraction.
4. Take note of the lessons.
If we see each breakup as a learning experience, we feel a lot better. Instead of male bashing and being angry all the time, learn a thing or two about your last romantic relationship. That way you don’t make the same mistakes. Growth, ladies.
5. Remember the door is now open.
This is especially true if we feel that we settled in our last relationship. I felt relief after my last breakup because, though he was a great guy overall, I knew he wasn’t “it.” There was so much missing. Things I didn’t realize I’d miss until I didn’t have them in this relationship. I find comfort in the fact that the door is now open for the relationship that I deserve and desire. You should too.
Inspired by YourTango.
Photo Credit: Flickr.com/Camsinlux.