Human nature is to look at for your own interests. While at the same time we are relational beings. We were created not to spend our time in isolation, but to be in relationship with other people. That is ironic as they both compete. Our natural desire to have someone else to spend our lives with fights against the way we go for self.
Maybe this is the biggest challenge to having happy relationships. One, or both, people in the relationship are working on getting what they want out of the relationship, and not what the other person wants. The constant tug-of-war ends up leaving both people unsatisfied and unhappy.
Advice to get what you want in your relationship fills the internet. Here is an example of an article, which lists ways a woman can get a man to do anything they want. I read the article, featured on YourTango.com, and don’t doubt those ways can be effective, but should it be a focal point of a relationship?
How about ways to give your man what he wants. I’ve taken the points in the YourTango article and created my own in response. In response to 7 Gentle Ways to Get a Man to Do Anything You Want, here are 7 Reasons You Should Give Your Man What He Wants First. My belief is in giving him what he wants, he’ll also do what you want.
7 Reasons to Give Your Man What He Wants First 1 of 8
Keep it real 2 of 8
Give him what he wants all the time 3 of 8
The Your Tango article says to bring backup when you want him to do something in the form of something he has been wanting, something he loves. Instead of giving him something he loves when you want something, give him what he wants all the time. You will get very little huffing and puffing.
Trust his ideas, but contribute your own 4 of 8
My wife probably thinks I'm hard to bargain with. I'm strong willed (hard headed) and an "idea guy." But what I love is when my wife hears me, but contributes better ideas than mine. Some of her ideas have turned into some of my most well received blog posts and successes. The Your Tango article suggests making him think everything was his idea. Better yet, acknowledge his ideas and contribute to them. He'll do what you want when you share in his dreams and ideas.
Don’t make promises just be real 5 of 8
The Your Tango got it right, partially, with this one. It suggests to just ask when you want him to do something, which is great. But it also suggests promising to make it up. How about being real, and doing whatever the "make it up" piece is on a regular basis. If you are doing good things on a regular basis he doesn't need the promise/bribe for him to do what you want him to do.
Treat him how you want to be treated 6 of 8
The next point in the Your Tango article is to treat him with kindness, or butter him up when you want something. Then after you have buttered him up, he'll do what ever. How you feel if he did that to you? Was nice all day every time he wanted sex, or to hang out with the fellas. Instead treat him like you would like to be treated all the time. Butter him up all the time whether you want something or not.
Don’t act different 7 of 8
Your man will not do what you want 100% of the time even if you use the Your Tango article suggestions. The sixth point says to lean in for a kiss, a real steamy kiss. The kiss is viewed as sort of a peace offering before the "negotiations" begin. There is nothing worse than feeling like we have been had, and sex, or sexuality was used for it. Will he bite and enjoy the kiss, or sex? Probably so. But his view of your may change. Men want our women to be different than what is sometimes portrayed on TV. Hot women using sex to manipulate men. Instead if you plan to negotiate present your desire, and allow him to do the same without manipulation. He'll respect it more and be more inclined to do what you want.
Be selfless not selfish 8 of 8
The last point is "give one to get one." I understand what they are saying, but I want to take it a step further. Go against our human nature to focus primarily on our own interests. Instead be as selfless as you can possible be in your relationship. When your man sees your focus is on meeting his needs he can't help but reciprocate. He'll do what you want because he knows you have his best in mind.
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