If you’re anything like me, a breakup can drive you over the edge. Hundreds of questions consume my mind while I try to maintain composure and keep my paws away from my iPhone.
My sadness and confusion post-breakup isn’t surprising. Most of the men in my life (and possibly in yours) ended the love affair carelessly. They had little love and respect for my well being, as if the time we shared hardly made an impact.
There is, however, a right way to end a relationship. We can break up with someone without devastating them. Here are seven things to keep in mind to avoid a bad break up.
We’ve all heard them before. “It’s not you, it’s me” and “you deserve so much better” seem to be the go-to phrases when breaking up with someone. But it only makes the dumpee feel worse. Don’t be shocked when they scream, “If I’m so fabulous, why don’t you want me?!”
Dump the overused cliches and be honest about why you really want to end the relationship.
The Blunt Truth
The truth hurts but it also gets to the nitty gritty. He may not want to hear that you aren’t in love with him anymore, but it will set him free. She may feel devastated to hear you are not fulfilled, but her pain will heal faster if you get to the heart of the matter. The truth is a necessary evil. It’s the best way to have closure after a break up.
Break Up Sex
Having sex with your ex only confuses the status of your relationship. The dumpee usually becomes reattached and may believe you want to reunite. Be a good ex and leave your ex alone. You are only toying with their emotions. And that can get ugly.
A man I onced dated just stopped calling. We had an argument and he decided to end the relationship without telling me. He literally disappeared and left me with so many unanswered questions. It was cruel and cowardly.
If you don’t want to be in a relationship anymore, just say so. Don’t run away. Don’t change your phone number or avoid calls and texts. Confront the person head on. Give them the respect they deserve.
Do Not Just Ignore Calls
If your ex is anything like me, he or she will call or text or email (I’ve taken break ups terribly!). This is when you must be upfront (again) and state clearly (again) that you do not want to be with them, that there is no hope, and that they are wasting their time. If you ignore their phone calls rather than being honest they will continue to contact you, even when you are trying to keep your distance.
Do Not Break Up Over Text Message, Email, or Post-It
Remember that “Sex in the City” episode when Burger broke up with Carrie over a post-it? And how many times have you heard from a girlfriend that her man broke up with her over text message? These acts are just as bad as disappearing. Okay, maybe not that bad but it still shows a lack of respect. Your soon-to-be ex deserves the courtesy of a face-to-face break up. If you’re afraid he or she will fly off the handle, at least give them a call. Stop texting “it’s over” and start calling. Use the post-it’s for work. Don’t send an email either. And save your sad face emoticons.
Cut the Use of Hopeful Words
Words like “someday” and phrases like “what if” instill hope. That also goes for any talk of reuniting or taking “a break.” If you truly don’t want to be with someone, set them free. Don’t leave them dangling on a string for your amusement. Don’t keep them “on the shelf” because you are afraid to lose a good thing. Being in a relationship with someone that you aren’t sure you want to be with is selfish.
Breakups are tough but they don’t have to be terrible. If you take these tips into consideration, I guarantee that you will ease their hurt, confusion and feelings of rejection. They may even look back and think of you fondly because you made a positive impact.
How have you been hurt by a bad breakup? Share your story!
MORE ON BABBLE
7 things ALL women want in bed
8 ways to tell if your man is ready for marriage
20 things you should NEVER say during sex
15 ways women are ruining their sex lives
The 13 worst reasons to get married