I almost let a
disagreement fight my wife and I had last week ruin a wonderful evening. We had plans to join another couple for our first Friday Date Night, and we disagreed over something so trivial that I can’t remember what it even was now. But at the time, it must have been serious to me because I made the decision we weren’t going on our date.
The fight was short, swift, and over in a heartbeat. But if I had followed through on my decision to cancel our date night, the repercussions would have lasted much longer. I eventually calmed down and decided the best choice, even in the midst of an unresolved disagreement, was to go on our date and try to enjoy it.
After having a marriage that has lasted longer than the statistics say it should, I’ve learned there are some “tricks” to fighting in your relationship. There is a wrong way to fight, and a right way to fight. I now know how to fight right. And this knowledge has saved my marriage problems from escalating. Over time it has probably saved our marriage.
When you learn to fight right in your relationship, you can experience the same.
7 Ways to Fight Right in Your Relationship:
1. Follow the rules
There are rules to professional fighting and boxing. There should be some fight rules in your marriage, too. If you set them at the beginning of your relationship, be sure to follow them. If you didn’t set any rules, then I advise you sit down with your spouse and create some to be followed for future fights.
2. Don’t throw the last punch
Don’t be the one in the fight who always has to get the last “punch” (word). You don’t win any awards for getting in the last lick, you just inflict a little more pain on your spouse, which eventually comes back to you. Be okay with walking away and not having to get one more in.
3. Realize this isn’t MMA
The new fighting trends are Mixed Martial Arts and Ultimate Fighting. If you’ve ever watched, it can be gruesome. Your goal is to make your opponent submit. That is not the way to fight right in your relationship. Submission is not a win for your relationship. If your “opponent” walks away broken, then you have a broken relationship.
4. Make sure your “opponent” is okay
If your “opponent” is broken, so is your relationship. Check on your partner to make sure they are okay after a fight. The sooner you both are okay, the sooner your relationship can move forward on better terms.
5. Never fight dirty
Bringing up past issues that should have been resolved or deep personal issues is not how to fight right. Keep the fight on the point of the disagreement. The other stuff is just like a low blow or cheap shot. No cheap shots are to be thrown when fighting right in your relationship.
6. Fight alone
If you are fighting, keep it one-on-one. Don’t bring others in to help you win the fight. It’s the equivalent of jumping on someone in a fist fight. It’s not right, and you’d only do that to somebody you had no love for. But this is your husband/wife, your significant other. You do love them, and you still fight from time to time. But do it alone.
7. Kiss and make up
This is one of the best parts of fighting. The “kiss” and make up. You are not fighting right if this is not included. Just don’t let it be an excuse to continually fight. You can “kiss” even if you don’t have a reason to make up.
How do you keep your fights from escalating and causing more relationship issues?
Read more from Jackie on his blog, JackieBledsoe.com, or catch all his relationship posts from around the web by subscribing to his weekly relationships newsletter!