8 Pieces of Bad Advice Often Given to NewlywedsDevan McGuinness
Getting married is a really exciting time in your life if it’s something that is important to you and your partner. That newlywed phase is a time to get to know each other better, learn how to happily live together and enjoy life together as two. It can be full of questions, excitement, and like anything else in life, ups and downs.
As the divorce rate goes up and more and more couples end up falling apart, what makes a marriage successful is increasingly important. We seek out advice from experts and couples who seem to stay together despite the odds. Both my parents and my in-laws are still married 30+ years later and my husband and I (nice years into our marriage), look to them to see how they make things worse.
Sometimes, you end up getting bad advice from the most well-meaning people. Advice that is common and we hear often that, when you look at it, may not be the best advice to give newlyweds and in actuality, may be the worst advice you can give.
I asked some marriage and relationship experts and others to see what they think is the worst advice to give to newlywed couples and why — some of the answers may surprise you.
Click through to read 8 bad pieces of advice that these experts say you should stop giving to newlywed couples:
8 Experts Share the Worst Advice to Give to Newlyweds 1 of 9
Not all advice is good advice, even if it's commonly said.
Marriage is Bad? 2 of 9
"My uncle told me the following just minutes after I got married:
'When I married my wife, she was so sweet I could have eaten her up. After 50 years of marriage, I wish I had.' " -- Jerry Cook, Associate Professor, Author of Grow Your Marriage by Leaps & Boundaries
Photo credit: epSos.de | Flickr
You Have to Choose 3 of 9
"Tell him he has to choose between you and his mother.
Whenever you marry someone, you inherit his family -- whether it's his parents and siblings or his kids and ex-wife with whom he parents. Life is hard enough with healthy relationships that hit roadblocks like job loss, illness, lousy neighbors and all the other garden-variety "normal" problems that come with life -- so don't sweat the small stuff and focus on boundaries balanced with generosity and grace." -- AskApril, relationship expert and author
Photo credit: epSos.de | Flickr
Marriage is 50/50 4 of 9
"I think the worst thing to tell two self-absorbed people before they get married (and we're all self-absorbed) is that marriage is 50/50.
In marriage, you have to give without any requirement for reciprocation. If you're keeping score, you will always be disappointed. If you're expecting your spouse to obsess about your needs, you're headed for disaster. If you think of marriage as "give and take," you'll wind up a statistic. Marriage is about giving, not taking.
Today's culture teaches us to take care of ourselves, not others. "Follow your heart," we hear. "You deserve it." "Take care of number one." Then, when our hearts change or aren't being cultivated by another person, we feel let down, disillusioned, angry. We've convinced ourselves that if we don't get as much as we give, we'll be taken advantage of. We'll "teach" our spouses to walk all over us. But the opposite happens. If we take a minute to think about someone who pours into us without a list of demands, we usually think of someone we love and would do anything for. It's the same in marriage." -- Lisa Woody, Owner FunStuffForDogs.com - The Funniest Dog Stuff on the Planet
Photo credit: Marion Doss | Flickr
Never Go To Bed Angry 5 of 9
"Why is this bad advice? People can get very irritable when tired and fights can get downright nasty! If you are in the middle of a heated argument but one or both of you is getting tired, write down what is bothering you and revisit it in the morning. Writing it down helps you get out your thoughts so you can sleep better. Revisiting it after a good night's sleep will allow you to have a calmer discussion." -- Stacey Werner, Owner/Editor, Newlywed Survival
Photo credit: Larry1732 | Flickr
A Favor for a Favor 6 of 9
"Relationships are all about a quid pro quo exchange, in other words - you scratch my back, I scratch yours. That's not actually what's important in your relationship. It may be helpful in business, but your marriage is hopefully more than that." -- Jenev Caddell, PsyD, NYC based psychologist/relationship expert/ couples therapist/marriage counselor
Photo credit: Katsunojiri | Flickr
This Is All About You Building Your Family 7 of 9
"While there is a large kernel of truth in this statement, new parents who recognize the importance of this moment in the lives of their in-laws and parents might find themselves having less emotional hassle. More sagacious advice would suggest that parents can make decisions about their children but let the grandparents know they have considered their opinions also and explain why they have come to different conclusions." -- Ruth Nemzoff, Ed.D.
Author and Speaker: *Don't Bite Your Tongue: How to Foster Rewarding
Relationships with Your Adult Children* (Palgrave/Macmillan, 2008)
Photo credit: Katsunojiri | Flickr
Be Totally Honest 8 of 9
"The worst advice you can give a married couple is to be totally honest with each other. This is a mistake because it's always better to be tactful and hide hurtful truths. You don't want to say to your spouse something like, 'I had a dream about my ex last night, and it was so exciting!' or 'Your face is not photogenic when seen from the right, so you should always angle your left side toward a camera.'" -- William Cane, President, Manhattan Makeovers
Photo credit: laura dye | Flickr
You’ll Have a Weak Foundation 9 of 9
"During premarital classes, we were advised that my broken home background would cause our marriage to have a weak foundation. I was never one to believe in fairy tales or that relationships just effortlessly work. I strongly believe my background made me work that much more to nurture our marriage. 8 years later we are still going strong!" -- Natalie Zanatta, GreatContradictions
Photo credit: TijsB | Flickr
:: What is the worst advice you’ve been given as a newlywed and why? ::
Photo credits: photostock
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