I have been married nearly 10 years now and I can still remember those early planning days. We didn’t have Pinterest to get inspiration from and we compromised on the type of wedding we wanted, but one thing that was for certain was we loved each other.
We settled a lot of issues before we got married — those big discussions you’re advised to have before you ready yourselves to be with one person forever. We talked about our dreams and future plans, children, if one of us would stay home while our kids were young and we were on the same page about nearly all of it.
One area of contention though was a tradition that was set in marriage a long time ago — taking your husband’s last name.
It wasn’t something that I had really given too much thought, but it was the expected thing to do. My mother took my father’s last name and my soon-to-be mother-in-law took her husband’s last name too. I was on the fence, but not for reasons that I can really explain – it’s not a push-back on traditional customs or the feeling that I am property.
Really, I just love my last name. My husband’s isn’t terrible, but I’ve been this since I was born and I just didn’t feel like giving it up. My husband, while he would certainly not force me to do anything, just didn’t quite understand it. He accepted it, because what else could he do, but it never made sense to him.
I had asked him if he would consider taking my last name or if he would consider hyphenating, but his answers were clear “no” and so that’s where it’s been for the past 9 plus years. I don’t think it’s as uncommon now to keep your own name as it was in the past, most people I know who are married did take their partner’s last name, but I am seeing a lot more double hyphenating and partners holding on to their own last name.
:: Did you take your partner’s last name or did you keep your own? ::
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Devan is a freelance writer living in Toronto, Ontario with her husband, three kids and expecting baby #4 at the end of this year. Read more from Devan on Babble and “like” Accustomed Chaos on Facebook!