DO NOT Get Married If You Cannot Agree to This One Thing!Jackie Bledsoe
Marriage is not for everyone. Period. And some people who think marriage is for them may be mistaken. If you cannot agree to this one thing before getting married, then save yourself and your fiancé time, money, and frustration.
If you cannot agree that you will never allow divorce to enter your marriage in any form or fashion, then marriage is not for you. If you think pre-nuptials are a good idea, then don’t get married. If you have any kind of “escape clause” or plans, then don’t get married. About half of marriages end in divorce, and this is one of the main reasons, because divorce was an option.
The glue to marriage…
When I say don’t allow divorce in your marriage in any form, I mean don’t discuss it, don’t joke about it, don’t use it as leverage to get what you want, and definitely don’t plan for it. This concept has been the glue in our marriage for 12+ years. Before we learned this principle, we were in fact headed for divorce. But then we adopted this mantra after taking a marriage class and it made all the difference.
It takes two…
Had we not both embraced this principle, we’d have easily gone the other way when times got tough. And boy, did they ever get tough! Yet, we are still married, not perfectly married, or happily married all the time, but we have a marriage without regrets and that has been fulfilling.
Here are 7 reasons to not get married if you can’t agree on this one thing.
7 Reasons to Agree to a No-Divorce "Clause" 1 of 8
Click through for 7 reasons to agree to a no-divorce "clause" ...
Marriage is all about commitment… 2 of 8
Marriage is a commitment. Why enter into any commitment if you or the other person is not all-in? Saying "no, never, not under any circumstances will divorce come into play" enforces that commitment.
Divorce is more damaging than breaking up… 3 of 8
Marriages today are like high school romances to me. One person does something, the other gets mad, and they go their separate ways. Even that can be difficult to pick up the pieces and bounce back from. But marriages that end in divorce are not so cut and dry, affecting everything from kids to finances to a bond that's closer than any other bond you've had that's suddenly gone. I've heard it said like this: When you become married, you become one. Divorcing doesn't mean you become separate just as easily. Parts of you both are broken and remain with the other person.
Pre-nuptials and protecting your interest is selfish … marriage is selfless 4 of 8
Part of the entire idea of marriage is giving up some of what you want for your spouse. You meet needs in marriage ... the other person's needs. Saying "I have to make sure mine are protected with a pre-nup" or something similar is a sign that you are more focused on your own needs. Marriage is one of life's ultimate sacrificial relationships, along with parenting.
Given no way out, you find a way… 5 of 8
Saying "no" puts your back against the wall. No, it puts your backs against one another's, which means you have no choice but to fight to make it work and to fight together. Think of a time when your back has been against the wall or you've had only one choice; you did whatever was necessary to make it work. Your marriage will function the same when you do so.
You will be forced to find solutions … not problems 6 of 8
Your spouse is not perfect. Neither are you. Both of you have a choice. Focus on the problems, or find solutions. A no-divorce mindset will make you find the bright side and the good in your marriage. If you can't find it, you'll create it.
Divorce sucks … especially for the kids! 7 of 8
Nobody benefits from divorce, especially the kids involved in the relationship. Statistics show kids of divorced parents suffer academically, are more likely to be incarcerated, have increased drug and alcohol use, and are more likely to live in poverty.
You are better off being single … 8 of 8
You've heard the quote: "It is better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all." This doesn't apply in marriage. Who gets married looking to have loved and lost? My suggestion is if you can't truly agree to never mention, entertain, or allow divorce in your marriage, then do not get married!
Photo credits: iStock Photo
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