Haunted Hearts And The Key To Staying Married (Video)Monica Bielanko
If you’re anything like me you could sit for hours listening to someone talk about how they almost got a divorce.
The one that, according to therapists – one of ours, anyway – you’re never supposed to say to your lover.
I am guilty of saying it a lot. In the past. I’d like to use this forum to tell Serge I ain’t saying it anymore. Nope. I don’t plan on divorcing you, dude. You’re stuck.
As I was saying, though, I could listen to a couple talk about the ins-and-outs and ups-and-downs of their marriage for hours. That’s just how I am. I like to hear that stuff, whether I’m learning from it or comparing myself and thinking: I may be bad, but at least I’m not THAT bad… Isn’t that why anyone watches Dr. Phil? I mean, if anyone is watching Dr. Phil anymore.
I say all this to preface the fact that the video we’re about to present to you is ten-minutes long. Yup. Ten minutes of us two assholes yammering about ourselves. Sorry about that. But, like I said, I figure if you’re into it then you’re into it and if you’re not you wouldn’t have watched anyway, in which case what are you doing still reading this?
What happened was, we’ve had a rough go of it this year. Really tough. April was particularly brutal. I asked Serge to go to his mom’s house nearby for a little while — so I guess you could call that a separation, although he was at our house for most of the days. I really thought we were done. I could not see a light at the end of the tunnel. No flicker, no flash, nothing.
But time passed and neither of us pulled the trigger on the D-word we, mostly I, kept threatening. And guess what? We’re doing well. Really good, actually. And here’s the thing: In the video, you’re about to see Serge says that he thinks it’s mostly due to me changing my perspective. Which, of course I took exception to because that means most of the problems within our marriage were/are my fault. I raise the objection within the video and he tries to explain himself, but after sitting with what he said overnight, I think he’s right.
The other thing? If we hadn’t been recording our conversation, him saying he thinks the major difference in our marriage from April to now is mostly because I changed could’ve led to a fight with me being defensive and mad that he’s fobbing all our troubles onto me. But, whether it’s because we were on camera or because those changes I’m trying to make actually are making a difference, I thought about what he said and instead of going on the warpath, pointing fingers and hanging from the ceiling by my fingernails while braying out all his past transgressions as justification, I’m just going to quietly type here that I think… he’s right.
So, what I’m saying is, the power to stay married, the power to stay happy is all within you. Quit focusing outward, quit blaming, choose to ignore certain behaviors of your mate that would’ve previously pissed you off because really, you’re only making yourself miserable.
Here then, is our first video back after a many month hiatus. We decided to sit together and just talk about whatever came up. Also, we’re wondering if you prefer when we sit separately as we have in all the previous videos or if you like when we’re together. Oh, and sorry about all clickety-clack of dog toenails on the kitchen floor. We got a new camera that can apparently pick up ants walking across the floor. And I blink a lot. It is a nervous habit. I don’t know I’m doing it.
Thanks for sticking around.
We’re really glad you’re still here.
Funny, but I think the image below pretty much sums up our marriage in one frame: me angry and gesticulating wildly and Serge appearing to be slightly confused. Heh.
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