Breaking up is hard to do but it is less hazardous when we are older. I am recently single (a month and a half and counting) and I am doing well. I didn’t expect the relationship to end when it did. In my gut, I knew it would. Still, there was a shock when I said the words, “We need to break up.”
I won’t bore you with the logistics of yet another love affair gone awry. Instead, I will share my insight on how breakups are different when we are older.
Less Emotional Upheaval
In my 20s: When going through a breakup in my 20s, well, I was a hot mess. I took to drinking my woes away and found myself sobbing at a bar once or twice. Needless to say, bartenders became my BFF’s. I even dated a few.
In my 30’s: Now, at 35, I break up with a guy and I’m like, “Eh.” I am no longer overcome with dramatic emotions. Sure, I cry and am a bit somber, but I don’t feel broken. I know that I will overcome the loss of that relationship because I have before. What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.
An Acceptance of What Is and What Won’t Be
In my 20s: A breakup occurred and I could not move on. I would stand my ground and hope for a reunion. I was a bit of a hopeless romantic, believing that if I wished for it hard enough it would indeed be. I waited a long time for many men that never came back. Those who did still didn’t treat me or love me the right way.
In my 30’s: Acceptance just happens, particularly during this last breakup. I knew the relationship needed to end and so I just let go. There’s a maturity in this that doesn’t come easy and often only comes in time and with age.
Keep It Moving
In my 20s: A man would break up with me and I would act like a nun. I didn’t date. I didn’t flirt. I just refused to move on. I was stubborn and so closed off. I took every breakup personal, like there was something wrong me. That had a lot to do with my issues with my father.
In my 30’s: Now, I keep it moving. I open myself up to what may come instead of shutting down. I know that I am a good person, a great girlfriend, and an amazing woman. And that’s the difference. I know there isn’t anything wrong with me. I am not perfect but I am not broken.
And that is the beauty of breaking up in our 30s.
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