As a stepmom to a very special seven-year-old girl, I’m always trying to find new ways to build her self-esteem. I’m constantly doing the research and taking notes from parents, who I believe, have done it right.
While my initial reason for looking into self-esteem boasting was really because I want my little to feel comfortable in her skin and feel confident enough to use her God-given gifts to change the world, my discoveries have actually helped me personally and my relationship clients. It turns out that deep down inside, we’re all just little children looking to be healed from all the garbage we’ve picked up along the way.
Having good self-esteem is really about having a good sense of worth. It’s about knowing how much you’re worth, and understanding that we are truly all created equal by this one, big ball of love. We all have it inside of us. No one is better or worse than another. Our social surroundings may tell us otherwise, but the truth is at our purest state we are all the same and capable of the same kind of magic that was inside Mark Zuckerberg when he thought up Facebook.
But what happens is that our life experiences teach us another way to value ourselves. Perhaps someone made you feel that you are only loveable if someone else loves you, like a boyfriend or girlfriend? And now that you have those beliefs you live in this hamster wheel of value seeking. You’re always chasing it, but you know it’ll never be enough.
Well, I’m not loveable and I don’t deserve love, so I’ll never have love, which only means I’m not worthy of love.
At some point it’s like the story of the chicken and the egg: Which one came first, the belief or the outcome? My advice? Start with the thing you can control: the belief.
Take some time to acknowledge your gnarly beliefs of value. Work to identify it and where it came from. Just like a very loving mother, father, grandmother…whatever, remind yourself that your value is determined at birth.
And guess what? It’s pretty damn high simply because you are here and you have life. That’s it. You don’t need any gold stars that are given to you by boyfriends, parents or whatever other obsession you may have. You already hold all of the gold stars inside yourself. All you have to do is give yourself the permission to let them shine.