How Women Ruin Their Sex LivesMara Kofoed
Time for some girl talk. I’m all for happy marriages. And a satisfying sex life can help contribute to that. Problem is, there are a lot of women that aren’t feeling it. There are certainly many complicated reasons why people don’t enjoy sex. But in honor of marriage and in honor of trying to help women to feel empowered, I’m happy to start up a conversation that really never happens: what are women doing that could be contributing to their unsatisfying sex lives? This list is simply to be a reminder to us all to think about whether or not we are doing our part here. Cause who doesn’t want to feel pretty darn good about that part of our lives? If there’s something we can do about it, I say we go for it!
1. Having sex just for someone else, and not for yourself
Have you had a long day? Think to yourself that you deserve to get some…. This attitude will likely drive your husband nuts.
2. Now wearing your birthday suit often enough
Yep. Find a way to work that thing in. Being naked leads to good things.
3. Not thinking about sex enough
This might take some deliberate effort to work some sexy thoughts into your busy day. But do it anyway. You’ll definitely greet your husband with more enthusiasm when you see him.
4. Not having underwear that fits
You see this thing? It’s a bra extender. Confession: After 5 weeks traveling in Europe, I needed one of these. But well, it makes taking the thing off a bit tricky (per my husband). So if you can, maybe ditch the bra extenders. Haha. And treat yourself to good-fitting underwear all around.
5. Starting too late
Do you normally go to bed at 10 pm? Midnight? 2 am? Whatever your norm is, make some advances an hour before…it’s the easiest way to make sure no one’s “too tired.”
6. Having a bad attitude about sex
It seems so many women blow sex off or don’t consider it a priority. And they think that’s ok. This is not okay. It’s one of the most important aspects of a healthy marriage. A simple change in how you view it can do wonders.
7. Only having sex in the bedroom
Let’s mix it up, people. Obviously, if you have children, privacy becomes a concern. In that case, take advantage when your kids are away. Or make good use of your bedroom wall.
8. Being too critical of your own appearance
This is one huge damper on a good sex life. Even if you don’t look like your ideal self, try not to be critical of your amazing and beautiful body. Instead, work to take care of your body physically, but also work to change the critical and negative scripts in your head (or in conversations with others). Doing this will fill you with the most attractive and desirable kind of beauty.
9. Not taking care of yourself physically and mentally
No one feels good by not taking good care of themselves. Not possible. Do yourself and your spouse a favor by working in a daily walk or run.
10. Not showering, not making sure you smell great
Yikes. This is a habit that can easily happen for stay at home moms or work from home women…but……I’m sure you’d agree that it doesn’t exactly put you in the mood. Maybe our husbands don’t care. But I’d say most women do care and may hold back from going for it in the moment.
11. Criticizing your spouse’s performance or appearance
No thanks. No one wants that. To communicate lovingly, instead, praise the things you DO like. He’ll figure it out.
12. Never showing some appreciation for your spouse and his advances
Sex makes people feel vulnerable. Make your partner feel like a stud for his efforts.
13. Say no, no, no…
Saying no over and over might lead to your spouse giving up. And then that could lead to hurt feelings and distance. Instead, make it a priority to figure out why you’re saying no. Is it lack of desire? One of the best tricks for that is actually having more sex It can increase your libido!
14. Complaining that you don’t enjoy sex and not doing anything about it
Again, do your part to figure this out. If you have some fears or worries about sex, don’t put it off. Don’t be afraid to consult with a marriage or sex therapist. There’s hope!
15. Not letting your spouse know you enjoy it
Most good husbands want nothing more than to please their wives. And it means the world to them to know that you are enjoying it, too.
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