As I’ve been pretty open on here, my husband and I are trying to take a little break in the baby-making department. Which, incidentally, has led to what feels distinctly like more of the baby-making act, hold the baby.
It took us a while to get here.
And by “us,” I mean me, of course, because as the one, you know, carrying and feeding the babies, my body needed a break from constant sharing. As our entire marriage has pretty much consisted of me being non-stop pregnant or nursing, I had started to worry that there was something wrong with us (me).
But as it turns out, now that I’ve finally started to get my groove back, I have decided that there was never really anything wrong with me after all.
Instead, I’ve decided that it’s totally normal for a marriage to have some ups and downs in the bedrooms.
Whoops. No pun intended.
And what’s more, not only is our bedroom lull totally normal and totally understandable after having three kids, it can actually be normal even among partners without children and single people as well.
As Sophie Fontanel, a fashion editor who recently wrote a book on her decision to remain celibate for 12 years, describes, a lacking sex life is not always the end all when it comes to relationships.
“Throughout my sexual life, I have had periods with lapses in sexual activity and long periods with nothing. For me, it’s absolutely not a problem.”
When I read that, I almost wanted to shout, well, heck yeah!
It’s not a problem that we’ve had some lapses here and there. I’m not the problem because I’ve needed some time to get back in the groove after a baby. Sex isn’t the end all, catch all when it comes to my marriage. A lull doesn’t necessarily mean an impending divorce.
And when I read this,
“I don’t believe that the more you have having sex, the more you want to have sex, or the more you are having sex, the better you are at it…”
Well, I just wanted to give her a hug.
Because isn’t that what all the advice tells us women who may be struggling to find our way back to the bedroom? Have more, want it more! So not only do I have to feel bad that I’m not doing it enough in the first place, but then I have to feel bad that I’m just not trying hard enough.
I think the only way to get through a lull in the bedroom might be to stop feeling guilty about it…and just accept that it might just be a natural stage in the relationship.
What do you think? Are bedroom lulls normal (and temporary) in a relationship?
Image via you mee/Flickr