Best friends. That is one way I would characterize the relationship with my wife. After 12 years of marriage, I can truly say we are best friends. And if you ask her, she would say the same … well at least I think so.
Our relationship was built on a friendship, but over time our friendship became strained. Our trust was broken, then restored. Feelings were hurt, then restored. Fears were shared and dealt with. Our relationship wouldn’t be what it is if we weren’t real with one another.
Be real … be vulnerable.
There are so many relationships where one or both people aren’t real. They conceal real feelings and don’t express themselves when they are dealing with something.
To be real you have to be vulnerable. There are times your significant other may hurt you. It doesn’t mean their intentions were bad, but it happens. That sometimes scary vulnerability is what opens your relationship up to great possibilities.
This YourTango article says vulnerability is powerful, very powerful. To quote, it said…
“Vulnerability is divinely powerful, like raise-the-dead powerful.”
I can attest because my own relationship has had its rocky seasons and its smooth seasons. The rocky seasons seem to be characterized by a lack of vulnerability, which really means a lack of trust. When you don’t trust a person, you aren’t about to open yourself and become truly vulnerable in all situations.
Trust + Vulnerability = Freedom
However, when you truly trust your partner with everything about you, you will have no problems being vulnerable. You’ll welcome it and feel a sense of freedom.
My wife and I experienced this last spring while on a weekend marriage retreat. We both shared something which could have had a really bad impact on our relationship. My wife shared something she had been dealing with since before we were together that she’d never told anyone. Yes, after 11 years of marriage she hadn’t even told me.
And I shared something with her that I was struggling with and feeling guilty about that could have really changed the dynamics of our relationship.
Fortunately it did change the dynamics, but in a good way. It freed us. It was that divinely powerful, raise-the-dead powerful thing I quoted from the Your Tango article.
I firmly believe your relationship can never be all it can be until you reach a certain level of trust and vulnerability. You have to be willing to expose yourself, even if it could possibly hurt you. When you are that vulnerable, when you are completely you — the good, bad, and the ugly — you are completely free to love and be loved in the best way possible.
It’s nothing to fear, it is something to embrace and behold. It is time to be real in your relationship!
Do you feel your relationship has the right amount of vulnerability?
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