Is It Ever OK to Lie to Your Spouse?Jackie Bledsoe
One of the foundations to a great marriage is truth. If your relationship is built on a lie, then it won’t last. Maybe it will last a little while, but eventually the truth will come out. But what about those little white lies? Or withholding information because you don’t want to hurt your spouse? Not hurting your spouse is a good thing, so keeping something from him/her that is potentially hurtful has to fall into that category. Right?
This video on YourTango.com addresses this, but I feel it is wrong to tell lies to your spouse in any situation. There is no place in a marriage for being untruthful. Telling lies provides a short-term gain but a long-term loss. So maybe you didn’t tell the truth to keep your spouse’s feelings from getting hurt. And just maybe he/she will never find out. No harm, no foul, right? Just because the foul wasn’t noticed doesn’t mean there is no impact.
Here are three ways telling a lie, even a little white lie, will hurt your marriage:
1.) It becomes easier to lie the next time
Have you been on a diet before? Think about what happens the first time you break the diet. The first time you eat that cookie, it becomes easier to eat the next cookie.
The same thing happens in your marriage once you willingly decide to tell a lie. You did it once so the door is open, and a trickle starts. Before you do it again, and it starts to flow. After awhile, the flood gates open, and not telling the truth becomes a habit
The best way to prevent the flood gates of lies is to never open the door. If you have already opened the door, close it as soon as possible by confessing the truth.
2.) If your spouse finds out, it destroys trust
Have you ever walked into a dark room and turned on the light— but it remained dark? Unless the light was broken, it probably never happened. Darkness (lies) cannot survive in light (truth). So eventually, the truth will come out.
It is harder to cover a lie than it is to tell the truth. Once your spouse finds out, then he or she will begin to question what you say or do from that point forward. Even if you only told that one lie, and everything else is the truth, the seed has been planted, and it won’t be so easy to just accept everything as truth.
Keep your trust strong by avoiding lies, even lies to prevent hurt feelings, and come clean quickly
if when you do mess up.
3.) It shows your love is really not that deep
Have you ever disciplined your kids when they’ve done something that could hurt them or somebody else? If you aren’t a parent, were you ever disciplined as a kid, or have you witnessed another parent discipline his or her kids? That discipline can be pretty painful for the kids — and sometimes for the parent.
But parents know if this pain they experience now prevents them from running into the street, cutting themselves with a knife, or hitting their head while falling off the top bunk, then it is worth it.
That is the same thing with being totally honest with your spouse, even if it initially hurts them. In the long run, honesty will be more beneficial than dishonesty in your relationship.
So, the question is “to lie or not to lie to your spouse?”
I say no as it will cause three major issues in your marriage that could lead to the failure of your marriage. The truth is part of the foundation which leads to a complete, 7 ring marriage.
Question: How would you feel if you found out your spouse lied to you?
More on relationships from Jackie: