I’ve always said I wanted a good boy — a man who respects me, listens, is supportive, kind, sensitive, thoughtful, and sweet. A guy who will remember my birthday and throw me a surprise party because I’m big on birthdays. (It’s my national holiday.) A gentleman who pulls out my chair, opens doors and is self-aware. I want someone who adores me and loves me a little bit more than I love him. This is the man that I believe will be my perfect partner. Yet whenever I date a good boy, a nice guy, I wonder: Am I too bad for him?
I don’t consider myself a bad girl per say. For the most part, I am a relationship girl. I don’t lead men on or “play the field.” I am often the one who gets hurt in relationships. That’s because I have always attracted and been attracted to men with an edge. Selfish men. Inconsistent men. Men who forget my birthday and only get me a birthday card when I remind them of my national holiday. (One guy just signed it, “From me and my boys.”)
Men who don’t ask to read my work. Who tell me to get a “real” job. Who think I am needy and too emotional, but when I detach, they think I’m hard and cold.
So you can imagine my confusion when dating nice guys. I feel a dash of relief, doubt and an ounce of fear. I can be myself, no games. I can be vulnerable — and that’s terrifying. Dating a nice guy means there’s more potential for something real. This relationship can lead to marriage and kids and the partnership that I have craved for the last year. That’s the trouble with nice guys. They confront us with the core values that we say we want. If I’m not ready — I will be just as bad to the good guys as the bad boys have been to me.
So, it’s not that nice guys finish last. It’s that nice guys need to meet good girls when they are ready. Luckily, I am.
Photo Credit: Flickr.com/60852569@N00.