The Case for Keeping Some Relationship Secrets from Your Friends


relationship secretsKate Hakala’s written a post for HowAboutWe that was published on Glamour’s site called “What You Shouldn’t Tell Your Friends About Your Relationship.” In it, she makes a very strong case for maintaining a certain amount of restraint when it comes to sharing all the gritty details about your love life with your friends. She says, “When you report every small argument you have over who last vacuumed or who watched the last three episodes of Law and Order: SVU on Netflix, it’s going to get old. Once more, you’re slowly building an army of friends who detest your partner. Your harmless daily bickering might not amount to much for you, but if it’s all your friends hear, they might start to wonder why you don’t just dump the jerk who once insinuated you were fat.”

She’s got an excellent point there, among many others. I had a friend who would talk to me about problems in her marriage, or her husband’s upsetting behavior, and every time I tried to give her my opinion on how she should handle things, she’d say, “Oh, but you don’t know his positive side because I only talk to you about his negative qualities.” Hakala notes that your friends can’t “dispense good and accurate advice when it comes to the major league problems” if you’re always complaining to them about every little annoying thing your partner does. So you’re left then with a strained romantic relationship and impotent friendships.

Other things Hakala says should be kept from your friends include “your partner’s mom’s breast cancer scare or his history of childhood abuse,” plus “emails, texts, midnight voice mails, and, yes, nude selfies.” It’s worth noting, for the record, the one thing you shouldn’t keep secret about any romantic relationship is any kind of physical or emotional abuse. For more on what and why you shouldn’t blab everything there is to blab about your relationship to your girlfriends, visit Glamour.

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