An article on YourTango by marriage expert Kevin Bullard of Marriage Works! says if your marriage is missing emotional intimacy, then it won’t survive. I agree, but there is something just as important, if not more important, that comes before emotional intimacy. If you don’t figure this out, and end this relationship killer, then emotional intimacy will never even have a chance to exist in your relationship.
When my wife was pregnant with our daughter, over 13 years ago, she had those pregnant woman cravings. Her desire for certain foods, weird combination of foods, and food in general got to be pretty serious. One particular (late) night she had a craving for a sandwich from a restaurant called Frisch’s.
As a kid she loved the Big Boy from Frisch’s, but hadn’t eaten one in years. She hadn’t even thought of one in years. One of the reasons she hadn’t eaten, nor thought of a Frisch’s Big Boy is there were only two in the entire metropolitan area of Indianapolis where we live. And they were no where close to where we lived. I say it was at least a 50 minute drive from our home, but I could be exaggerating (because I need to build my case).
Well, this cold night/early morning she wanted one out of the blue! So, she asked me to go get one. She asked me to drive “out of town” to get her a Frisch’s Big Boy sandwich because she had this pregnancy craving. I wish I could say my answer was yes, and I joyfully drove to Frisch’s and brought her back a delicious Big Boy, which she thoroughly enjoyed. But I’d be lying as my answer was a flat out “No!”
Why didn’t I go? The only answer I can give is I was selfish. At the time I didn’t even realize it. Yes, it was a long drive. Yes, it was late. And maybe she could have eaten something else and been satisfied. But honestly, at that time, I was pretty immature and selfish, and I may not have even gone around the corner.
From time to time this experience comes up in conversation, and my wife playfully beats me up about it. I always act like I was right and she was asking too much. But quietly I wish I would have gone to Frisch’s that night. I wish I would have made the selfless choice and went and got my baby a Big Boy just because she asked. But I didn’t. I’ve heard many stories of guys going out of there way to do something for their wives or significant others, and I’m like “Dang! Why, not me?”
But it can be me — if I become more selfless. I realize if I continued to be selfish in our relationship, then we probably wouldn’t be married today. We wouldn’t have achieved the emotional intimacy needed to keep a fire going in our marriage.
My experience can help you out as well. If you want your marriage to last, then learn from me. Choose the selfless actions, not the selfish actions. Put your spouse before you, and allow that to be the catalyst for emotional intimacy, which will keep your relationship living, breathing, and on fire.
Question: What else should you leave before going into the New Year?
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