Although it may sound old-fashioned, believe it or not, there are still couples out there who not only want to save themselves for marriage … but actually do.
My husband and I landed squarely into the “wanted to” but failed category; after four years of dating, we slipped on our promise to save sex for marriage and well, inadvertently made a baby in the process. Who knew?
Fortunately for us, that baby turned out to be the complete love of our life — as most children tend to be — and we can’t really say that we regret how things have turned out.
But once in awhile, part of me can’t help but wonder what things might have been like, had we succeeded in our vow of saving ourselves for marriage …
I asked around and found some couples who, even in today's day and age, had succeeded in saving themselves for marriage. And I found out that it looks like the grass really can be greener on the other side ...
Lacy from Living on Love says: "My husband and I chose to wait because love is a sacred thing. We wanted our first time to be with each other, right after we said our vows to love each other for all our lives. We wanted it to be something we experienced together, a memory, something we'd cherish forever. There was no shame or embarrassment or guilt. It was just as I had imagined it would be and I wouldn't have done it any other way."
Joanna and her husband Ted decided to wait until marriage to have sex. Joanna said: "The biggest reason for waiting was my faith. I think everyone has something non-negotiable in their relationship and that was mine. Nothing else can come first. The guilt I knew I would feel, and the disappointment in myself and to God, was not worth the compromise. If he had pushed me to give in, I think would have hated myself and resented him for it as well."
One reader sent me a message to tell her story, although she wished to be anonymous: "Even though it was very hard, I am very glad we waited. There were multiple reasons that just fueled my decision to not and with that being said, the first year of our marriage was just magical! It's so hard now with kids to deal with everything and I'm glad we got a chance to slowly work together and figure it out together."
Ok, so some may not find a pastor and his fiance choosing to wait until marriage all that surprising, but how about a second marriage? "Although this was a second marriage for both of us we decided to save sex for marriage. It was difficult at times but the fact that my husband respected me and never pressured me for sex has allowed me to trust him with my whole heart," says Elizabeth Hudspeth, who celebrated her 10th anniversary with her husband last month.
Another reader, who also wished to remain anonymous, was part of a public purity ceremony at church as a young woman, where she pledged to save herself for her husband. "There were many times I thought about it, but honestly I was scared. I was scared of breaking this promise and of the consequences. I don't know if it was just drilled into me, but I was told it was wrong and I just couldn't do it. I think back and sometimes wonder if I missed out on the part of life where you are young and sex is forbidden so it's so exciting, but then I realize how much heartache I saved myself from."
Heather of Tickled Yellow says, "We decided to wait, not just because we both felt it was the right thing to do, but because we wanted that anticipation of having something to look forward to on our honeymoon. For us, it was the best possible decision and made our first night together that much more exciting."