Way back when, a whopping seven years ago, when my husband and I were in the middle of our dating years, I got really fed up.
I was fed up because we had set a goal to save ourselves for marriage (hey, we’re not the only ones) and we were on track to fail miserably.
It felt like each and every time we were together, we spent the whole time trying to avoid going “too far” or avoiding temptation or fighting about it. Dating stopped feeling fun and turned into something exhausting and guilt-ridden.
So when I came across the book I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris, which chronicles his journey on giving up dating and all physical intimacy until marriage, I felt like I had a eureka moment. I knew that it wasn’t important for everyone to save themselves until marriage and I knew that everyone was different, but for us, well, we had made that commitment and it was important. I decided right then and there that the problem was not necessarily the desire to be intimate with the man I loved or even the time we spent together.
It was the kissing.
I decided that if we were going to date but not get married, that the only way to succeed in making it to marriage before we had sex was to nip all intimacy in the bud before it started.
And that meant giving up kissing.
We gave up kissing on June 15, 2006. In my head, I pictured planning our wedding for that same exact date years down the road, reveling in my daydream romance of recreating the day we had shown our love by sacrificing kissing by walking down the aisle towards each other and sharing a sweet, sweet embrace. It would be wonderful and worth it.
Unfortunately, my plan didn’t go as well as hoped. In fact, giving up kissing only seemed to make things worse in our struggles. Without the distraction of kissing, we had no other path to go down except the one that led straight to the bedroom. If making out had been a fanning the flame, not making out was somehow like pouring gasoline on the fire.
Needless to say, my romantic dreams didn’t exactly go as planned.
And to be completely honest with you, I’m really sad that I messed up that time in my life – that time when it was just us, no worries, no cares, and definitely no kids. I’m disappointed that I missed out on what could have been some really great make-out sessions.
Yes, it was a crazy idea and yes, looking back, I can only shake my head and wonder what on earth I was thinking. Obviously, I was so set on what I thought was my “goal” that I forgot to focus on the good that I had.
Luckily for me, this story turns out pretty well. My boyfriend stuck with me, even through my crazy ideas and then, of course, we walked down the aisle a short year later.
So now, looking at my husband looking all comfy-cozy on our couch, if the question is to kiss or not to kiss?
If you excuse me…
I have some catching up to do.
Image via Walt Stoneburner/Flickr