The other day, I came across this really interesting article by Serena Woods that called out all the wives who “fake it” for their husbands.
“Stop playing a role. Stop treating your husband like an annoying pet that you’re obligated to feed. People who fake it are running from their own faults, so why don’t you work on that? In the meantime, shave your legs every day. Wear a matching bra and underwear. Don’t be a condescending dictator. Make yourself vulnerable.”
The post was all about being real with our husbands and not doing those fluffy things promoted in those “101 Ways To Improve Your Marriage” articles, like greeting your husband with a kiss or complimenting his shirt in the morning.
And although I knew the words she wrote struck a chord with me, I wasn’t sure just what chord that was.
On one hand, I bristled at the piece, thinking: Ok, hey, some of us need to “fake it” now and then, all right? If I was real and grumpy with my husband every time I felt like it, what kind of wife would that make me? Nothing wrong with trying to improve your marriage!
But then, on the other hand, when I really thought about her words, I realized she was right.
It is best to stop faking it with your husband.
If I’m being honest with my myself, my marriage is the worst in those moments when I am “faking it.”
When I’m pretending to be a wife who knows how to iron or a wife who always has it together.
When I’m feeling guilty for the fact that my husband actually cooks more than me or when I’m pretending that I don’t actually need alone time and showering with little people truly is quite relaxing, thank you.
When I’m clearly not — but I’m a mom, and moms keep it in — so I snap, “I’m fine!”
I realize that I definitely do “fake it.” I fake who I am sometimes because I’m afraid I’m not a good enough wife or mother, and when it really comes down to it — person.
That sort of fakeness, if I’m cheerfully making dinner that my husband would be just as happy making when I could be writing, trickles down to leave me frustrated and unhappy with myself, which only results in hurting my marriage.
And while we’re on the topic, of course it applies to the bedroom right? Like right now, in my current pregnant state, I’m really not feeling it, but that doesn’t make a good marriage, does it? Fake it ’til you make it, my fellow preggers, right?
It’s always, always better to be open and honest in a marriage. If I’m having a bad day but know my husband will not be in the mood to hear my stay-at-home mom sagas and I keep it bottled in, I’d eventually resent the fact that I feel like my day wasn’t as important. And that will show up in my marriage.
If I really want to work out but feel guilty because he doesn’t get any free time either? That will affect my marriage.
Ultimately, faking my own needs, emotions, or self is not only going to hurt myself, but my marriage as well.
So whether’s it’s going to bed angry because honestly that’s what works for you (guilty) or being content with cuddling for a while (cough six more months cough) or sheepishly admitting that you don’t know where the iron is even kept, it’s time for us wives to step out and say:
We’re not going to fake it anymore.
Image via j&j brusie photography
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