Worst to Best in Twelve MonthsMonica Bielanko
Take heart, those of you in the midst of a rocky marital patch; it gets better.
Almost exactly twelve months ago Serge and I decided a mini-separation would do our marriage good. Or signal the end of our marriage. One or the other.
He went to stay at his mom’s place down the road for a couple weeks but came over to the house every day.
It was a tough time. I was so depressed most mornings it took every ounce of willpower to roll out of bed and put two feet on the floor. Our house had burned down, we were living in a strange town and we both work from home so we were driving each other crazy all day every day.
At the time, if you would’ve told me that I could go from feeling like that about Serge to how I feel today I wouldn’t have believed you. But I am here to tell you that 2013 has been the best year of our marriage, so far. Granted, it’s only April but I daresay we’ve been riding the high for much of the end of 2012 as well.
Everything just feels different.
I see him differently.
And I think he sees me differently.
A lot of the change in our relationship is due to me retraining myself to focus on his positive traits and not the negative ones. And the truth of it is, I married a really great man. He works hard for our family, he’s The Best dad, he’s funny, he makes dinner 75% of the time. He unloads the dishwasher when it needs it, he makes me things, buys me records and books and little things he knows I’ll like.
What more could I want?
I got a good one.
What I’m laboring to impart may sound like some sort of message better served in an anti-bully campaign but I just wanted you to know that it gets better. If you’ve got the marriage blues, if your spouse is pissing you off at every turn, if you are bickering constantly – don’t give up! Marriage is like a roller coaster. One minute you’re up, the next you’re down and even upside down while you’re screaming, laughing, crying… But ride that shit out. If you’re down you’ll be up in no time.
I may be up but I realize a stomach-churning drop could be just around the bend. That’s marriage. That’s life. But at least now I know that. It will help riding out the next drop a whole lot easier. The goal? To reach a point where we can catch ourselves before the drop, realizing it ain’t worth the drama.
Here’s to hoping. Here’s to love.