Bad Parent: Sorry, Can't Make It
There's no place like home for the holidays — my home.
by Jeanne Sager
December 18, 2008
So how do you shut family out of the most family-centric time of the year? Simple. You do what your parents always told you to do when the pusher man came around. You just say no.
As in, no, we won't drive from New York to Virginia this year with a toddler wailing in the backseat, the holiday traffic making an eight-hour drive into fifteen. No, we aren't spending the personal days we've held off on using all year — in case the baby got sick — in a car packed to bursting with suitcases and boxes we were still up wrapping at two a.m. because we had to wait until the baby Tylenol kicked in.
I'll give my in-laws credit. They took it well. Bets were on them — located four states away from their only granddaughter — to put up the biggest fight. Instead they've taken to visiting friends for Thanksgiving, and taking a leisurely week off to drive north for an abbreviated December visit.
The distinction for holiday hissy fit goes to my own — boisterous, obnoxious, Catholic-sized — family. My dad has six brothers and sisters, five of whom have kids or step-kids. Among the cousins, four of us now have kids of our own to throw into the mix.
Our decision to strike out on our own was met with a few threats.Add to that a grandfather who believes so strongly in the meaning of Christmas that he runs an ad in the local newspaper every December to thank Jesus for his blessings. You can see how our decision to strike out on our own was met with a few threats.
For example, I've heard this might be my grandfather's last Christmas for three years running. But he seems okay. He's already called the paper to run this year's ad. The out-of-town aunts put in their yearly warning that they'll only be in town for a limited time, and they'd like to see that little great niece of theirs one of these days . . . Oh, and did they mention they've brought along a Hefty bag of hand-me-downs it would behoove me to pick up? They'd like to see that those clothes are going to good use. You know, they'd cost an arm and a leg if I had to buy them brand new in a store . . .
With a large enough family to field a football team, we've never been the gifting type (even before the economy tanked), but I'm sure to hear if someone violates the policy with a present for my daughter. They would have liked to see what Jillian thought of her new baby doll/fairy dress/stuffed animal.
The emails from the cousins usually come after the fact. "Thought we'd see you at Christmas dinner. You know, didn't want to bother you with the in-laws in town. We would have called, but we were afraid we weren't welcome."
©2008 Jeanne Sager and Babble
About the Author
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Jeanne Sager is a freelance writer and photographer living in upstate New York with her husband and daughter, Jillian. She maintains a blog of her award-winning columns at jeannesager.blogspot.com. |
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