Why Abandoning Your Kids This Saturday is a Good Thing
Kids need freedom -- from you!
Undoubtedly, my favorite memories of childhood involve all of the freedom I had. Some of that freedom was achieved through sneaking around, but most of it was just a way of life. I didn’t have to negotiate it with my parents — they just assumed that my sister and I would kick up our own fun and be back in time for dinner. We did and we were.
Contrast that with my own kids’ childhood. Undoubtedly, my least favorite aspect of their childhood is how little freedom they have.
They don’t go out the front door without asking permission, and, even then, sometimes the answer is “no.” At 11 years old, my daughter has seldom crossed a street on her own. She has played unsupervised at a park any number of times, but that park happens to be right across the street in the safe little cul-de-sac neighborhood of her best friend’s house.
I wouldn’t characterize myself as a helicopter mom, and I don’t obsess about child abductions. I am frankly horrified by the fact that my kids are being raised in something of a bubble. And yet. I’m not sure how to get out of this.
Lenore Skenazy, author of the book and blog “Free-Range Kids” — the mom who notoriously let her then 9-year-old son ride the subways in New York City alone — suggests parents like me should just rip off the Band-Aid and dump their kids at a park already.
This Saturday is the third annual “Take Our Children to the Park … And Leave Them There Day,” a holiday declared by Skenazy in an effort to get free-range-curious parents to suck it up and also to ensure the dropped-off kids might have someone else to play with. “If you drop off your kids, I’ll drop off mine …” Skenazy is recommending this holiday for kids ages 7 and up.
She’s got good reasons for pushing parents to push themselves to push their kids out the door:
Why is it so important for kids to have those lazy, hazy days with absolutely nothing planned? Well, when kids have to come up with something fun to do, that’s problem solving. And when they have to make their own teams, that’s socialization. Is the ball in or out? That’s United Nations-level negotiating. And when they have to wait their turn?
They learn to wait their turn. Free play is the secret vitamin kids need – a vitamin we’ve mistakenly leached out.
I remember the first TOCTTPALTTD. My girls were 8 and 4 at the time. I told them about it and instead of witnessing fit-pumps and hearing “when can we go!” my girls recoiled in distress. “Where will you be?!!” “How long will you be gone!” Which only underscored how necessary dumping them off outside at a park really was. I didn’t. I haven’t. But still, the need is there.
So maybe I’ll try again this Saturday. Lately, the 11-year-old is demanding more freedom (thankfully! I was getting worried); and the 7-year-old, in the tradition of all younger siblings, is expecting the same treatment. There’s still a hump for me to get over — do they even know their way around our (new) neighborhood? Could I get in trouble for setting them loose blocks away from home? If you hear a loud scream on Saturday, it could be a child in distress. Or, perhaps, the sound of a collective scream when parents all over pull off the Band-Aid with one big rip.
Are you in?
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At almost five & almost two my kids are still too young. However, on a daily basis I kick them out of the house & into our fenced in back yard. We just put up a huge swing set / play house deal & I expect them to use it! In fact just 20 minutes ago the almost two year old fell off the climbing wall thing. He’s fine, two minutes of snuggles & he was back at it. The freedom of being somewhat unsuperivsed & left to their own devices is amazing. They are happier, they listen better & they eat better. My only problem is how lonely my almost five year old is when her brother takes a nap.
Ugh!! that Band-Aid has to be ripped off my husband. I let my kids play in the backyard without me. No fence, but they never go outside our property (we have a pretty big backyard) I just make sure I can check them from the kitchen or bedroom windown (where they cannot see me) because I want them to be somehow free. Now, my husband, will not let them play outside unless he can be outside with them. Like you, I would like to see my kids coming in and out of the house on a regular basis and enjoy their (freedom).
I’m curious if anyone did the Take Your Child to the Park And Leave Them There event…If you did and would like to share your experience, I’d love to hear it:
http://www.themommypsychologist.com/2012/05/25/would-you-take-your-child-to-the-park-and-leave-them-there/
Finding that balance with your kids is very difficult. As a mom of a 6 and a 4 year old I would like them to feel comfortable exploring and venturing out into new things without me constantly telling them to be careful or watching over them all the time. Every time I see the news it reminds me of how scary the world is and how perhaps I am not being too paranoid with them. Ironically, one of the many things that I appreciate from my parents is the fact that they gave me the liberty to explore, to travel and to see new things. That message was very important to me. I try hard not to pass my own anxiety to my kids because I believe that by doing that I am interfering with their sense of adventure and creativity. I’m working on but it’s not easy!
great post! My kids are 4 and 2 so still too young to leave at the park on their own. But I work on their skills all the time so when they are the right age they will be street smart and ready!