Getting Knocked Up and 12 Other Reasons Not to Get Married
When two people are deeply in love, marriage seems like the obvious answer. But let’s not kid ourselves, people marry for reasons other than love every day.
If you’re ready to march down the aisle and find yourself wondering what’s love got to do with it, return the bridal shower gifts and reconsider. Seriously, no china pattern is worth a lifetime of unhappiness.
Check out these 13 reasons you probably ought to call off the wedding – after the jump!
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To please your parents
Yes, your parents would feel better knowing you had someone to help take care of you. But enough about you, they really want grandchildren.
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To prove you're straight
Whether you’re trying to prove your sexual orientation to yourself or others, marriage isn’t the answer.
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To help a friend in need
Need I remind you that entering into marriage fraud for immigration purposes is a federal crime? It’s just not worth it.
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You're pregnant
Finding out you're pregnant is scary. Finding out you're pregnant while single is even scarier. Rushing into a marriage before you're ready almost never had a happy ending. Adjust to your new role as mommy before taking on the added responsibility of marriage.
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You want your child to have two parents
It's natural for single parents to want to provide their child a loving two-parent family, but you're enough until the right partner comes along.
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You've been together for so long
You're dating a guy and it's going OK. He loves you and everything so that's good. Should you settle and marry the guy? All signs point to no if you're heart isn’t in it.
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To get out of debt
You're drowning in debt and see no way out. Before you marry a man with stacks of fat cash, understand that you can’t put a price on personal happiness.
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To get out of your parent's house
Marriage isn't a Get Out of Jail Free card. If you can’t stand living at home with parental, find some roomies and get out.
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You're supposed to
Every young girl is raised with the notion that she's supposed to get married. Screw that! You're a grown woman, do what you want to do.
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To help your career
Marriage is desirable in certain careers. Before you rush to off to Vegas, consider how divorce may impact that same career.
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Everybody's doing it
So everyone you ever met is now married and you're left "singled" out. Resist the peer pressure and go your own way. Love will find you when the timing is right.
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To have a dream wedding
The appeal of grand wedding is undeniable but what’s it worth without a lifetime of love ahead? Just ask Kim Kardashian.
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To have a baby
Yes, conventional wisdom tells us, "First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage," but maybe you’re not a conventional kinda gal!
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What are your personal reasons for not getting married?
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Eh. I think it’s stupid to pretend you know what’s vitally important to other people, but I am glad the slideshoe format is gone and the comments are back up and running again.
Linda, you can trust that NO ONE is more glad than we are. C’mon, let’s be friends now.
I’m aware that it’s probably really hard to not take my comments personally. They’re not (that slide show thing preceded your arrival). No one hopes more ardently than I do, that you’ll eventually be allowed to post (notice I said “post” and not “write”) something original, but let’s face it, the cliched “love and marriage advice” is just that. I’m not even sure why Strollerderby declared a need for that particular type of blogger. It’s a parenting site. Personally, I’ve been with the same man for 25 years at this point and have ascertained on my own that the exact same principles apply to my relationship with my spouse as they do to every other relationship I’ve ever had. Essentially, be honest and communicate. I don’t need to read abut how my man will be unhappy if I cry manipulatively (No Sh*t!) and you can be damn sure I wouldn’t have stayed married to someone who found me annoying when I cried for a legitimate reason. My unsolicited advice it to stop posting this trite stuff and post something that lets us know who you genuinely ARE. There are several bloggers here (CC & Meredith spring to mind) whom I wasn’t instantly fond of, who have become my favorites over time because their writing makes me feel like I know them and their perspectives are uniquely their own. We’re never going to get to know you if you keep writing top 10 lists about how we can keep our man happy and whatnot. Anyone can do that.
I have to say that this caught my eye & i had to comment… because my husband & i had only been seeing each other for a little while & because of a birth control failor we got pregnant… so i guess it seems we got married for one reason then a couple times in our marriage it seems i stayed with him for the reason of i want our children to have 2 parents… So i had to say if it hadn’t been for a couple of reasons on your list of why not to marry that we have been together for 12 yrs.. & i am happily married to my best friend… the years haven’t been easy! but they have been worth it… & those children we have had are worth every minute of every day that we have argued over petty stuff & chose to keep our family together!
just saying some times things that look like they are going to be mistakes turn into blessings… others plan huge weddings, & seem to do all the right things then it blows up in their face! i know many more stories like that … then stories like my husband & i have…. there is no secrets to a happy marriage, no matter how or why they start it all takes dedication, truth patients,love & a whole lot of forgiveness…most of all hard work!! but it’s all worth it when we all pile on the floor or couch to sleep by the Christmas tree, or to see the boys working with their dad in the yard, or fishing! getting to spend every weekend & holiday with my kids & my husband! It’s always worth it to me! just sayin
& people fall out of love…more often then not!
I completely agree with not getting married just because you’re pregnant. My now husband and I were not married when I found out I was pregnant, and I don’t know how many people asked when we were going to. My go to answer was a while because I don’t want people to think that’s the only reason, nor do I want it to be. We got married when our daughter was 15 months old, we did it in Las Vegas and because we love each other and wanted to “make it official”. I’m so glad it wasn’t rushed, though it was a small, private event anyway. It should also be stated that we went to Vegas for the sole purpose to get married, it wasn’t a drunken choice. LOL
Honestly, I see no problem with marrying for a practical reason such as financial stability or health insurance coverage. If you can live with that decision awesome. My daughter is almost two and we are going to be having our second in October. We plan on getting married before the second comes because of his military deployment and also because it will be so much easier for him to get dependent pay if we are married. We love each other but felt having our children in our lives was much more important than signing a piece of paper. We know who we want to be with and didn’t feel that our daughter coming into our lives was a serious crisis for our relationship to run to the closest priest. (We are actually just going to go down to the courthouse because we really don’t want the hassle of a wedding.) Nothing will change or become different when we are married since we already have children, live together and he supports the household financially.
I apologise, but, in my opinion, you are mistaken. I can defend the position. Write to me in PM, we will discuss.
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great article! I know so many women who get married for the wrong reasons!! (hello divorce 5-7 years later)
I’m not married, because i had bad luck with men…i’m very eager to do it..one reason is because my parents don’t want me having kids out of wedlock. I don’t care if i have any out of wedlock, so its kinda forced on me and God seems to be enforcing it. I have been having badluck when trying to get pregnant too!
i got pregnant when i was 16. the daddy was 17. we were in love, but we our love was really lust. we were married. we had 5 kids by the time i was 25. my 42nd wedding anniverary is coming up. we’re both college educated, and all of our kids are married to good people that they deeply in love with. we have 21 grandkids. our lives are rich.
however, the first 10 years were horrible, due to our immaturity. my husband walked out on me and our baby when we were married just under 2 years. he wanted to be in high school again. it didn’t work out that way, also he missed me. he came back 6 months later. i took him back because i saw myself as a failure in life. i wanted to prove i wasn’t. my husband became an alcoholic, and i was bitter that “playing house” wasn’t fun anymore. also, i became pregnant even after using every kind of birth control i can think of.
now, 42 years later, we have gone through many hardships, including infidelity, prescription drug addiction, and many health problems, no money, and painful deaths in our family.
would i do it again? probably. only because i don’t know any other way. i am 58, paralyzed and in a wheelchair. i’m not young and pretty any more. my husband is 59, pretty fat, and bald. he takes good care of me, and treats me like a queen. but he no longer lusts after me. this devastates me. our love for each other has changed, but it’s still there. we’re best friends. he brings me flowers.
given the same circumstances, would i advise other extremely young couples to marry?
hell no!
how about if your not getting any and you hook up with a hot nympho that cleans your pipes every time you want as long as you like?