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The Hubs, Preggers, Totes, Adorbs and the Sluttiest Word in the English Language

By Monica Bielanko |

Even The Biebs doesn't know what the f#@k you just said, and he's well-versed in the dialect.

I am fearful of writing this post and offending some of my mommyblogger friends who are maybe preggers and sporting huge but adorbs baby bumps courtesy of The Hubs who is hoping for a DS but my awesomesauce friends are, like, wanting a DD, natch, but really will take whatever comes just so long as it comes with a babymoon or, even better, a push present.

At risk of offending these friends, I am going to plow forward.

Perhaps you can guess where this is going … Namely, what is up with the mom set talking like a bunch of tweens?

Have you noticed this strange and annoying phenomenon? I think it started as a tongue-in-cheek kind of thing. A way to be informal and silly on the internet, to make words more conversational, maybe?

I’m just casting around here, but maybe, like me, these women started sprinkling the word “like” into sentences.  Using it in the same way many people do when they, like, are trying to tell a story in person.  “And he was like… And I was like…”

I can dig that. In fact, in many cases I prefer it and get annoyed by the Grammar Police of the internet who feel the need to adhere strictly to a bunch of rules learned in 9th grade English when most of us don’t naturally speak that way. I’m all for informality and, when writing blog posts, I don’t subscribe to a lot of grammatical rules of thumb, particularly when it feels awkward to do so and wouldn’t necessarily apply to how I would naturally speak. I bandy around the word ain’t with my tongue firmly in cheek so I can understand the overuse of the word “like” as an attempt to be casual and funny.

But …

First it was the abbreviations. DH, DS, DD. What the? It took me ages to figure out what that stuff meant. At first I thought there was an overwhelming number of women with family members sporting the same initials. I finally stumbled onto some kind of abbreviation key on a forum somewhere and got it all sorted out.

So yeah, okay, instead of just typing daughter (which, quiet frankly, is a whole lot easier to peck out then messing with the CAPS key or the shift key or whatever) you want to abbreviate and call her your D(ear) D(aughter) or your Darling Husband. I can be down with that even though I would never, no never, call my husband Darling, even if he just scrubbed the bathroom and cooked me dinner. And, quite honestly, I’m still not sure if the first D stands for “darling” or “dear” but, whatever.

Soon after that I started seeing a lot of OMG-ing all over the place. It swept the nation! The OMG wave rolled right over the tweens and teens and twenty-somethings and before anyone, including God, knew what was happening thirty and forty-something women were riding the wave, OMG-ing with abandon. Reckless abandon. I am certainly guilty of availing myself of far more OMGs than any blogger has a right to so I’m pointing the finger inward, too, lest you think my tone too accusatory.

Before long I noticed women utilizing the term The Hubs and it was then that I became suspect of this childish chit-chat taking place among so many women who, in all likelihood, graduated high school when The Biebs was still in diapers. That is when I stamped my virtual foot firmly down on internet soil and said to myself, “Wow. Just wow (ugh!). We done lost our marbles, mom friends. Our speech? It is SO not totes adorbs at all and I fear that it is, in fact, an epic mom fail.

Because The Hubs is just … yuck.

Ever seen that episode of Seinfeld (Of course you have!) where Jerry has the girlfriend that he gets all schmoopy with? It’s only one of the greatest episodes ever (The Soup Nazi episode, as a matter of fact) starring Babble’s own brilliantly talented Ali Wentworth as the girlfriend. Anyway, The Hubs is a married couple version of schmoopy. You start a sentence telling me about The Hubs and I don’t hear a thing after you utter or write the term. All I can focus on is A) swallowing the bile that rushed up my esophagus and B) Oh man, she said THE HUBS. I don’t know if I can really and truly like her after that.

After The Hubs hit the scene it was a veritable blog bonanza of juvenile jive.  Mass mayhem broke out. Blogs of brilliant women were often reduced to the fevered missives of junior high school girls scratched into diaries under cover of night and duvet.

So totes adorbs!

Natch!

And I was all like NO WAY!

And he was like, uh huh!

OMG! DH, like, totes got me the best push present ever! We are going on a babymoon!

And then there was the Mommy Proliferation. The rampant and horrific overuse of the words mom and mommy, which is now officially the sluttiest word in the English language. We’ve taken a sweet word that was once only uttered out of the mouths of babes, violently forced it upon any and every word we possibly can and then proudly proclaimed ourselves clever.

Mominate a momoir writing mompreneur!

The Mommy Wars between mommybloggers are filled with the momversations of a bunch of sanctimommies too busy pointing fingers to see the forest for the trees … Such momsense! Okay, I think I made that last one up but you get my point.  It’s a momstrocity! We’re just a bunch of momism mombies.

What happened to us? We are brilliant, hilarious, wordy women that have reduced our expansive vocabularies to the point that many of our blog posts sound like letters we wrote to our best girlfriends … in 1990.

Listen, I get it, I do. I’m not trying to be the word police here and I know everyone is just having fun but, at some point, all fun goes bad. Someone at the party puts the lampshade on their head, someone else pukes in the washing machine and, well, I think we’ve reached that point with our internet vernacular. It was fun, we had a good time, but can we all stop with the talking like a couple of tweens anxiously waiting for the Taylor Swift concert to start?

What say you? Are you still riding the wave or have you had enough of the like, so totes adorbsness of it all? And if you are over it, what phrases and words annoy you the most?

 Photo Credit: funnyordie.com

 

More From Monica on Strollerderby:

The Pump and Dump Explained: ‘I Could Be Tanked by Christmas’

5 Things You Should Never Say to a Working Mom

Couple Finds Python In Crib Wrapped Around Baby

You can also find Monica on her personal blog, The Girl Who.

MORE ON BABBLE:

A 6-Year-Old Guesses What Classic Novels are About 
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About Monica Bielanko

monica-bielanko

Monica Bielanko

Monica Bielanko was raised on the wild frontier of late 1970's Utah. She is a recovering Mormon who married the guitar player of an unknown band. She's been married to her Babble Voices writing partner, Serge Bielanko, for the past nine years. Her personal blog, The Girl Who was in the top ten of last year's Top 50 list. Read bio and latest posts → Read Monica's latest posts →

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35 thoughts on “The Hubs, Preggers, Totes, Adorbs and the Sluttiest Word in the English Language

  1. Rhana @ Dumb {Squared} says:

    For a long time, I honestly thought DD and DH were some type of STD’s. I guess the memo fell into a sewer on its way to me. Now I must check the Mommapedia on this momsense.

  2. Sierra says:

    Omg! This made me lol!

    Seriously, love this post! The DH DD DS abbreviations make me nuts.

  3. goddess says:

    Hate to break it to you, but DH, DS, DD, BF, SO and more o fthe like have been in general use on mommy forums for at least the 12 years I’ve been on them. Here is the text file i had from my iVillage days, with a TIME-STAMP on my PC as 6/17/2002:

    AAMOF As a matter of fact
    AFAIK As far as I know
    BAC By any chance
    B4 Before
    B4N Before now
    BBL Be back later
    BRB Be right back
    BTW By the way
    CMIIW Correct me if I’m wrong
    CUL See you later
    DH Darling husband (or “Darn husband” depending on context)
    DW Darling wife (see DH
    DD Dear daughter
    DS Dear son
    EOF End of file
    FITB Fill in the blank
    4U For you
    F2F Face to face
    FWIW For what it’s worth
    GMTA Great minds think alike
    HTH Hope this helps
    IAC In any case
    IKWUM I know what you mean
    IMHO In my humble opinion
    IMO In my opinion
    IOW In other words
    IYKWIM If you know what I mean
    J/K Just kidding
    JM2C Just my two cents
    KWIM Know what I mean
    LOL Laughing out loud
    NN2R No need to reply
    OIC Oh, I see
    OTOH On the other hand
    ROTFL Rolling on the floor laughing
    ROTFLMAO Rolling on the floor laughing my a@# off
    SICS Sitting in the chair snickering
    TIA Thanks in advance
    TNX or TXS Thanks
    TTFN Ta-ta for now
    2L8 Too late
    2U To you
    WB Welcome back
    WTG Way to go!
    YSR Yeah, sure, right
    YWIA You’re welcome in advance

    Waaaaay before teens/texting and all of their acronyms invaded daily language.

  4. mary says:

    This is all so true! It’s one reason why I don’t like to read a lot of “mommy” blogs. The voice of all of the writers sounds the same, and it just gets boring after a while- like the same person has written all of the different blogs. These abbreviations and phrases like The Hubs reek of groupthink, and are cliche. Good writing does not take mental shortcuts. I’ve noticed that you don’t really use a lot of these terms on your blog, though. It’s one of the better written ones out there (parenting-related).

  5. DeathMetalMommy says:

    I may be guilty of using like and the occasional OMG but that is all. If I say tote then you can bet with certainty I am referring to a duffel bag. I don’t subscribe to the trendy new Internet speak that resembles in so many ways teenage girl language. I don’t use it because simply hearing it makes me want to break someone’s jaw. It takes away IQ points.

    http://www.deathmetalmommy.blogspot.com

  6. Starsky says:

    It bugs me when people refer to their kids as kiddos. It’s weird though because someone calling somebody else “kiddo” doesn’t bother me at all. I do not like Hubs or even Hubby.

  7. Rachel says:

    All my married friends refer to their husbands as “hubby” or “hubs” on Facebook. Drives me batty. If “husband” is too hard for you, he still has a first name you can use!!

  8. bwsf says:

    I’m also not a fan of the phrase “hot mess”. Or “cray-cray”. I think it’s fun to sometimes shorten words in that slang sort of way, but sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. “Adorbs” does not work. Yes, Goddess, those acronyms have been around as long as the Internet, but they are more widely used now than in the past. And they’re annoying. I have to stop and think longer about the acronym than if the person just spelled out the words.

  9. Sara says:

    Thank you! I’ve been feeling like I’m the only person in the world who reacts so negatively to those terms. I always feel like I can see my high school english teacher (a total badass) glaring at me when I consider typing or saying ‘totes’ or ‘The Hubs’. It’s enough to stop me cold in my tracks.

  10. goddess says:

    Guess they are just like internet shorthand to me. You won’t find a lot of them in my spoken language though- although I do call my DH the hubster at times ;-)

  11. Linda, T.O.O. says:

    Hilarious. Thanks for writing this. I honestly hate them all, but “adorbs” makes me want to punch someone in the face.

  12. LBH says:

    Goddess, I saw this same list on several websites and I was like WTF. I refuse to use a glossary.

    That said, I have been known to use “the hubs,” I’ll admit it. I’m not proud.

  13. alejandra says:

    I agree. Im 23 and I don’t understand all the nonsense. I hate it. I try to always use proper vocabulary and grammer even while texting.

  14. Geri A. says:

    I was just reading a blog the other day and thought to myself, good heavens woman, you are middle aged, why are you writing this way. Here are some of my all time make me roll my eyes and yell at the screen, grow the heck up phrases or words I see fairly frequently:

    hawt
    rawk
    for realz
    peoples (as in, ralph and linda are good people)
    biotch
    dude
    dudette
    hubmeister
    baby daddy
    baby momma
    asshats
    douche
    douchey
    douchebag
    mommyblogger
    mommy wars

    they are annoying as heck coming out of the mouth of kids and young adults, but when i hear or read them out of people in their 30′s and older, well OMG I ROTFL at them for acting/writing behaving like asshat douchebags. Word!

  15. wendy says:

    First time I saw a friend use DH I thought it meant “dumb husband” that made the most sense in the context of her story.

  16. jess says:

    Admittedly I use hubs, hubby, and hubbers a lot. But usually to people who wouldn’t know his name. They can say “the wife” why can’t I say the hubs?!
    However I do hate the other ones. Until I read this I had no idea what the dd’s and dh’s were?? I have actually heard a relative who’s in her late fourties SAY OMG when talking to someone…. seriously? My husband may be right… the next language they offer in school may just be texting…. I don’t have the mental capacity to remember all those darn abbreviations!

  17. Cindy says:

    The one I hate the most is when a woman calls her boyfriend her boo. Gag me!

  18. Jenn says:

    I had to look up dh, dd, and all those abbreviations when I joined my birth group when my daughter was born last year. But I am so guilty of using a lot of them now in my breastfeeding groups. But I’ve never ever used adorbs or totes. And I have seen some posts that I literally have to sit and think about wtf someone is trying to say. “I nvr type lyk dis specially snz my autocorrect wnt let me” hahaha. I just don’t get what’s happened to our language in the Internet/text age.

  19. Jenn says:

    Oh I also want to add, I use hubby a lot, but I think of it as a term of endearment. I think it’s sweet. :)

  20. Candice says:

    I was just thinking today… how exactly does adding sauce to the end of a word make it better?

  21. Melanie Graham / A Welcoming Hearth says:

    I wouldn’t be caught dead using this so called ‘momspeak’. I admit it, I am a grammar nazi. English has rules for a reason you know! lol ‘Textspeak’ now that is a bit different, when you are paying for how many little characters you are sending then smaller the better. imho :-)

  22. Eva Pardun says:

    Thank you VERY much for addressing this problem. It annoys the hell out of me! I especially hate the words “preggers, prego, hubby and wifey”. Whenever I hear those words, it makes me want to punch someone in the face. It’s like nails on a chalkboard. Honestly…a bunch of grown women speaking like a bunch of uneducated bimbos. The cutesy talk makes you all sound like a bunch of dumb broads! If I offended anyone, get over it! It’s the truth.

  23. Amber says:

    Ok, what does smh stand for? I cannot for the life of me figure this one out! I don’t use many acronyms, but I am guilty of some of them. The ones that have been mentioned in this artical and comments I’ve actually only heard of a few times. I enjoyed reading this though! Thanks for trying to keep me up to speed. LOL! Sorry had to. :)

  24. I confess that I judge people who refer to their husbands as hubby, hubs, or hubster. Totes and adorbs make me throw up in my mouth. I don’t mind colloquialisms if used very sparingly, to make a point or to be ironic or funny, when it’s in sharp contrast to the rest of one’s writing. I don’t mind abbreviations like DS, DD, OMG, etc., on forums and boards, but I don’t like them in blog posts. I’m also one of those people who tries to use correct grammar and punctuation in text messages. And I don’t like it when people use impact as a verb. So I may well have issues.

  25. Amanda says:

    Thank You! I was over that trend before it even started! HA! We Americans have butchered the king’s English as it is! and phrases like “the hubs” and intentionally spelling words incorrectly makes me throw up in my mouth a little. I just want to scream at people that it makes them sound ignorant and childish!

  26. Hayley says:

    I am guilty of saying “the hubster” at times I admit but I do find a lot of words annoying. (I have never seen absorbs or totes but they sound totally stupid.)
    I don’t mind abbreviations like ‘ppl’ because it’s easier and you still know it means ‘people.’. However I hate when ppl shorten words like ‘natch’ and ‘sitch’ and ‘Nast.’ really? Can’t u just say ‘nasty?’. I also hate when people call their parents “the rents.”

  27. Hayley says:

    Smh means ‘shaking my head’

  28. Lauren says:

    So hilarious! I just laughed so hard reading this. Ew. I say “Hubs” too. And I kinda hate myself when I do it. I even ask myself “why the hell did I just say that?” And I often suggest to myself that I am actually really annoying when I say it. Another word I hate and absolutely refuse to use is “whoot” or “woot” or however the hell you spell it. And also, DD, DS, DH = CREEPY! So frickin funny. Thanks for saying out loud what I way in my head.

  29. Jen S says:

    So you know there was ASAP before texting right? And before the interent! And didn’t we use @ symbol for short for um ‘at’. We’ve even shorten group of words so to not write so much like ‘we’ve’ (we have). It’s the nature of the beast I think. We take short cuts no matter the age. And i’m a proud bimbo who uses ‘hubby’ in the virtual world and the real world. Um but what’s ‘totes’? My hubby drives me nuts with “cray” !! Damn you rap music!

  30. Jen S says:

    *internet

  31. Greta says:

    I never have, and never will, use the phrase OMG.
    Except for right there, but you get my point.
    Some of the others I have never even seen.
    And the rest drive me crazy.
    This post is spot on.
    Totes.
    Greta

  32. Prof says:

    The argument presented in this article would have been much more persuasive had it not been hidden behind countless pseudo-usages of the very terms being criticized. This article has potential, but its author lacks finesse and maturity, making it very difficult to appreciate.

  33. Lucy G says:

    That’s funny, because I was just talking to a friend the other day about how I have a hard time relating to women who take themselves and everything else too seriously.

    The silly “momspeak” is absolutely tongue-in-cheek, and it’s become a kind of inside joke. I’m a 34 year old mom with a ton of kids and a minivan, who still feels like it’s impossible that I’m this old and boring. I get a kick out of the absurdity of phrases like “fo’ rills, yo” coming out of my ponytailed, suburban, whitebread mom mouth. I don’t speak like that to my parents, or my pastor, or customer service people. I have fun with it in an appropriate environment: among my friends who feel the same way I do about life and the little, fun things that make me laugh and give me the tiniest boost to make me feel like I’m still ME.

    I’m sure it makes you all feel supersmarty (<– made up word alert!) to look down your noses at the "dumb broads" (really?!) who have herded themselves like cattle into some kind of Orwellian groupthink with their Kanye-inspired slang, but to use language drawn from my 1994 school-note lexicon, it really just makes you a bunch of boring dorks.

    Lucy G OUT.

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