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20 Things You Should Never Say in Bed

By Lori Garcia |

In a quick and dirty poll of my girlfriends, I learned about half of them enjoyed talking dirty in bed while the other half preferred to let their bodies do the talking.

When it comes to verbal communication between the sheets, there’s a distinct difference between dirty talk and phrases that should never, ever be uttered in bed.

Check out the 20 things you should never say in bed – after the jump!

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Things Your Should Never Say During Sex - in Bed

Don't worry, I'm being treated for that

I am worried, because I don't want to be treated for that.
Image credit: Shutterstock

What else should never be said in bed?

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About Lori Garcia


Lori Garcia

Lori Garcia is a writer and mother of two living and loving in Southern California. When she's not fussing with her bangs, you can find her shaking her groove thing on her personal blog, Mommyfriend where she almost never combines true tales of motherhood and mayhem with her degree in child development. Read bio and latest posts → Read Lori's latest posts →

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7 thoughts on “20 Things You Should Never Say in Bed

  1. neal says:

    I tried “this is gonna be epic!” which is probably not too bad in itself.
    But then I started explaining: “I mean, like, The Odyssey or Beowulf. There’s gonna be lots of rhyming, and sword play (if know what I mean), and it’ll take FOREVER to get through the thing. I mean, we’ll be halfway and then we’ll probably tell each other, “let’s just say we did the whole thing so we can credit, I mean, I think I got the gist of it, you know? Also…” and my wife cut me off and said she was going to go watch Project Runway.
    I lose out on a lot of intimacy with my big mouth and my tendency to make long, boring stories out of everything.

  2. mommyfriend says:

    Neal, I die!

  3. Linda, T.O.O. says:

    It’s more like 20 things that completely missed their target audience by being posted on a parenting blog.

  4. "Male chauvinist pig" says:

    Apparently if you say any of these things then you obviously dont know the person you are having sex with well enough to be having sex with them in the first place.

    In other words, you deserve it.

  5. Melissa says:

    I thought it was hilarious, and I read them all to my boyfriend. But it why do so many of the comments assume that all parents are in happy, monogamous relationships? I was married when I conceived an gave birth to my amazing little boy, but his father left us. I am no less of a parent because I am dating now and find these comments to be funny. And yes, many of these statements could only be made if certain important conversations were neglected beforehand.

  6. Ick says:

    Ugh, I sometimes break out in a sweat rash.. It’s gross. Either I warn people or I don’t and then they think I have herpes even though it’s not in a genital area. Ugh, sucks.

  7. Jenn says:

    “is it in?”

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