The Internet Makes Mommy Mean
Message boards can bring out the worst in us.
by April Peveteaux
March 19, 2007
If you've ever used an online group to glean pregnancy
or childcare information, you've met this person. She weighs in every
day on most topics and her opinion is unflappable, even when faced with credible
opposing evidence. You wonder how she could be so incredibly involved and, let's
face it, prolific. Secretly you think that her spouse must neglect her and
that she must be a bad parent — really bad, the kind about whom studies
are done. My online nemesis came in the form of a pro co-sleeping, breast feed 'em
until they can ride a bike, veg mom whom I'll call Eleanor.
"Eff the mommy wars," I had always thought. My girlfriends range
from stay-at-home to working, breast to bottle, and we all know that everyone
must come to their own conclusions about crying it out.It was a utopian dream — not entirely unlike the early
days of Jonestown. So how did I wind up
in an online war that sapped time and energy that could have been better devoted
to, say, teaching my baby sign language?
I first took notice of Eleanor as one voice in a larger group in a good old-fashioned
neighborhood drug war. I came down on the anti-drug, and therefore anti-fun, side
of the argument, since I wasn't crazy about the idea of having crack dealers
on my block. Eleanor sided with the legalize-it crowd, who also suggested opening
up a nice methadone clinic in order to make the junkies harassing our children
more comfortable.
While I also took note of those members whose opinions I would now view with
a jaundiced eye, I noted that my inbox was most often filled with posts
from Eleanor. She had something to say about everything. Don't get me started
on her "suggestions" for mothers who were looking for help as they
tried to stop breastfeeding.
As is the case with most great rivalries, at first I peacefully co-existed with
this haughty mommy, even exchanging tips and information with her and other parents
on the listserv. I adored this new online community; my participation was harmless,
helpful even. I met great moms who set up meetings for those of us who had no
clue what you did all day with a five-week-old baby. I learned about all the
neighborhood daycare centers and local sitters. I got great restaurant recommendations.
I even picked up a free Exersaucer when my tot got big enough to sit up and demand
entertainment. It was a utopian dream — not entirely unlike the early
days of Jonestown.
©2007 April Peveteaux and Nerve Media
About the Author
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April Peveteaux is a writer, editor and sometimes performer. She lives in Brooklyn with her husband, son and daughter. |
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