Personal Essay: Move Over, Mommy
My toddler prefers her father, and it's driving me crazy.
by Elizabeth Takacs
July 24, 2009
Everybody's a critic, my fifteen-month-old included. Even with a vocabulary that's mainly a jumble of verbal approximations, she can make her preferences very clear. I can hand her a sippy cup of water and she'll request "muh" (milk) instead, or "wawa" if I've given her milk. I could give her a slice of apple and she'd ask for cheese. I'm happy to oblige, wanting nothing more than to reinforce these first forays into real communication. But when I walk into her room morning after morning only to find her shaking her head, waving her hand and tearfully declaring, "No! Dada!" she cuts me to the core. Apparently, I'm out. Dada's in. And it's driving me crazy.
I ask myself if I'm not, on a certain level, reveling in the old Mommy Martyr Syndrome. I've got loads of fodder. I did Dr. Sears proud, after all. Natural childbirth. Exclusive breastfeeding. Forsaking the stroller for the sling despite aching shoulders and back. Plus I'm home with her full-time. So where's my attachment parenting pay-off? I'm attached; why isn't she?
Okay, I know it's not that. I stand by my decisions as the best for our little family unit. But feeling like a third wheel within my own family actually has me wistfully recasting those early, sleep-deprived days as simpler, easier times. She cried; I picked her up. Nursing always on demand. But now the demands have changed and become more complicated. What's more, they can really sting when what she's demanding is for me to take a hike.
Is this simply a game of hard-to-get?
So why can't I just rise above it? Is this simply a game of hard-to-get, where I should work that much more earnestly for her affection? Am I laying the groundwork for latent mama trauma because I don't? That instead I walk away, leaving her to her beloved Dada? Finding myself alone, sulking over a glass of wine, I wonder if I've become the real baby of the house.
A friend told me that she's happy when her daughter shows preference for her partner. "I'm relieved to know that there are other people who can comfort her." she says. "It takes the weight off of me a little."
©2009 Elizabeth Takacs and Babble
About the Author
|
|
Related Articles
|
|
Elizabeth Takacs, a recovering fashion copywriter, is currently a freelance writer, editor and contributor to the metro New Jersey edition of The Examiner. When she’s not competing for the affection of her toddler, she blogs about the joys of parenting and the zen of gardening in Maplewood, New Jersey.
|
|
|
-
by Jessica Francis Kane
Today's men do it all. Where does that leave women?
-
by Kevin Keck
Was I Dad or just a stand-in?
-
by Rebecca Odes & Ceridwen Morris
Dad fully shares the parenting, but not the baby’s love.
|
