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10 Signs Youre the Parent of a Toddler

Parenting humor

Food eaten from the floor is just as tasty as from the plate, no?

You can spot the parent of a baby pretty easily: They walk around on their tip-toes, not wanting to break or wake their infant.

Identifying toddler parents, on the other hand, is a bit more subtle. They’re also walking on egg shells, although usually literally (because someone figured out how to open the refrigerator and took out and opened the egg carton). Toddlers are just their own special breed of people, that is, if we can actually call their antics human-like.

Here are 10 signs that it’s pretty safe to say you’re the parent of a toddler:

 

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  • Board Books 1 of 10
    Board Books
    The only book in the stack on your nightstand that you've read cover-to-cover in the past six months is actually made with cardboard — and not just the front and back cover.
    Photo credit: Amazon.com
  • Ahoy, Matey 2 of 10
    Ahoy, Matey
    You turn off the car radio to voluntarily sing the theme song to Jake and the Never Land Pirates.
    Photo credit: Disney.com
  • You = The Family Dog 3 of 10
    You = The Family Dog
    You eat food off the floor.
    Regularly.
  • Romance isn’t Dead 4 of 10
    Romance isn't Dead
    Your idea of a romantic evening is your spouse taking the kids to dinner and a movie so you can finally fold the laundry and start making your way through The Real Housewives of Any City on your DVR.
  • One Mom Band 5 of 10
    One Mom Band
    You've developed so many useless skills and character voices in your repertoire that you're waiting on a call from Saturday Night Live to hear that you've been hired as their next cast member.
  • We’ll Travel When We’re Dead 6 of 10
    We'll Travel When We're Dead
    The airline wants you to pay extra to sit next to your toddler on a plane?
    Ha.
    Let the airline pay you to sit next to your toddler.
    Otherwise some other sucker can play the "I throw it on the ground and you retrieve it" game for the next four hours.
  • All By Myself 7 of 10
    All By Myself
    Supermarket shopping is like a day at the spa — provided you're there alone instead of with a screaming child who loses a shoe in the produce section and necessitates that the canned food aisle gets shut down while the shattered glass and spaghetti sauce are thoroughly cleaned up.
  • Glitter-Bombed 8 of 10
    Glitter-Bombed
    Not only glitter is embedded in the fibers of your fingernails and floor boards, it's pretty much hot-glued to your soul.
  • Whats a Little Yogurt Puke Between Parents and Kids? 9 of 10
    Whats a Little Yogurt Puke Between Parents and Kids?
    Clean clothes are for suckers.
    Or parents of older children.
  • Definition of Insanity: [Insert Your Picture Here] 10 of 10
    Definition of Insanity: [Insert Your Picture Here]
    You have slowly morphed into the definition of insanity as you attempt to clean up the nuclear bomb that went off in your house as your toddler follows you around, thinking the game is to ignite yet another one.
    And another one after that.

Photo credits (except where noted): iStock

More from Meredith on Babble’s Toddler blog:

Read (even) more from Meredith at Babble’s Mom blog, follow her on Twitter, and check out her weekly syndicated newspaper column at MeredithCarroll.com

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