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15 Surprising Facts About Toddlers

Hands up for those who have the wild toddlers. Oh, wait. That’s right, they are ALL wild. Without exception. Go on and tell me different. If yours is an angel, your kind is rare and y’all are probably aliens.

Moving right along.

Back to this business of surprising facts about toddlers. It should be of no consequence to you how I spend my free time, not there is much of it or anything. But the other night, while I was sipping on some mighty fine chablis, I came across this piece of entertaining, mom-like candy over on Jezebel. (HILARIOUS). Sometimes I like chocolate and wine, sometimes I like beer and popcorn, but mostly I like funny (however “inappropriate”) truths. Other likes, I probably shouldn’t talk about here.

Good times. Good in the fact that I take small comfort in that it’s not just me getting ‘crushed by the toddlers’. So, inspired by such forms amusement I decided to create my own 15 Surprising Facts About Toddlers.

If you’d like to join me in some of that, then you’ll click through these gems, have a good laugh and get on with your drinking of your favourite vice (depending on time of day). I totally approve.

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  • Naked? Who Cares! 1 of 15
    Naked? Who Cares!
    Did you know that a toddler has not a care for what you might think of their outfit? That they will run around on all fours with their butt in the air, with a wedgie or plumbers butt and scream bloody murder if you try to fix it?
  • Did I Do That? 2 of 15
    Did I Do That?
    Did you know that as soon as you put on their swimsuit (or snowsuit), they will promptly poop, want to stay in it and/or think it's hilarious? Did you know that if you try to do them any favours by changing it they will most likely pierce your eardrums with screaming while kicking you in the gut?
  • Breakfast! All Day, Everyday. 3 of 15
    Breakfast! All Day, Everyday.
    Did you know that a toddler will eat pancakes everyday, morning noon and night of they could? Did you know that they will ask for pancakes over and over and over again until you finally give in and shove a whack of spinach in their smoothie to accompany it and call it a day?
  • The Condiment That Goes With Everything 4 of 15
    The Condiment That Goes With Everything
    Did you know that they will want to dip everything in ketchup including their pancakes?
  • Tiny Tech Geniuses 5 of 15
    Tiny Tech Geniuses
    Did you know that when they aren't screaming for pancakes, that they are constantly asking for your iPhone or iPad? That they will very quickly learn to put on a fake smile and manipulate a tender voice in asking so that their chances of getting it might improve? (Did you know that they learned that from us? All of it?)
  • Future Twilight Readers 6 of 15
    Future Twilight Readers
    Did you know that if some other kid bit them at daycare, they are probably going to bite you at home? Really effing hard? (Drawing blood in my case).
  • Road Rage 7 of 15
    Road Rage
    Did you know that they will insist on sleeping with their cars and you, and drive their cars all over your face while you are trying to sleep, while sticking their fingers up your nose, in your eyes and kneeing you in the back for good measure?
  • You Think Poop Is Funny Too, Right?! 8 of 15
    You Think Poop Is Funny Too, Right?!
    Did you know that chances are high when a toddler says "I toot! BWAHAHAHAHAH!" That they indeed had a poopie, on your silk duvet. And they expect you to join in the laughter. (I know. What the eff am I doing with a silk duvet with toddlers?)
  • I’m An Artist! 9 of 15
    I'm An Artist!
    Did you know that they will learn to take off their own diaper and poop when it's off and paint the walls with it?
  • Masters of Sibling Annoyance 10 of 15
    Masters of Sibling Annoyance
    Did you know that toddler siblings will drive each other batty; poke, prod and sit on each-other, tear down each-other's block towers and demolish each-other's train track figure 8 rotations? The HORRORS. The ear piercing, blood curdling HORRORS.
  • Mispronunciations 11 of 15
    Mispronunciations
    Did you know that when your toddler says "I like ****" (Certain part of the male anatomy. YEAH, that one), they are really saying "Eyes Like a Hawk?" SO WRONG I KNOW. TRUE STORY.
  • WHERE IS IT?! 12 of 15
    WHERE IS IT?!
    Did you know that they will throw their puzzle pieces all over the place, whip their cars under beds and down stairs and will promptly loose their toddler shit when they can't find their stuff?
  • Gimme! 13 of 15
    Gimme!
    Did you know that a toddler wants a cookie, a car and milk at all times, whether they are a boy or a girl?
  • This Box is My Favourite! 14 of 15
    This Box is My Favourite!
    Did you know that approximately 2 days after they rip through all of their Christmas presents, it's the cheap matchbox cars, a few of the books and the boxes that they will favour? (Oh, and your iPad. But we already discussed that).
  • They Are Little Bundles of Unabashed Love. 15 of 15
    They Are Little Bundles of Unabashed Love.
    Did you know that when they say "I love you mama", they fiercely, whole-heartedly, without an ounce of judgement…really do. Until they ask, "whu happen to yur face?" when you have a zit, and then you start to wonder.

More Babbles From Selena…

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Selena is a crafty, culinary mom. Creative Director. Social Media & Branding Consultant. Regular writer on Disney Baby. Part-time big-mouth & frequent foot-eater. Proud of her Anishinaabe roots.

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