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5 Foolish Things I've Promised My Toddler While He Sits On The Potty

Oh, potty training. How you vex me.

I am still somewhat in denial that I cannot just control the will of my bull-headed little boy — I mean, just use the toilet already! USE IT!

Of course, in reality, instead of strong-arming my toddler, I walk on eggshells while he is sitting on the potty. I walk on eggshells, and I make grandiose promises that I sometimes regret the moment the escape my desperate lips.

Here are the top 5 foolish things I’ve promised my toddler while he sits on the potty!

1. I’ll give you some chocolate! — Are three drips of urine in the potty that accidentally came out when my toddler sneezed really worth a piece of chocolate, and hours of Cornholio-esque hyperactivity?

2. I’ll buy you a new toy! — I would totally buy my toddler a new toy if he peed or pooped on the potty, but knowing my intelligent little boy, I’ll probably end up being extorted for new toys going forward.

3. I’ll buy you a fish! — What am I thinking? A PET? A pet for a 2-YEAR-OLD? I have clearly lost my mind, however, after sitting in the bathroom with my toddler for 30 minutes with little more than some gas to show for it, I am willing to do just about anything for some progress.

4. Your Grandpa will take you to look at backhoe loaders! — Woops, sorry dad. I probably shouldn’t be promising the services of other people as rewards for my kid going pee-pee in the potty. I actually used this one today, hopefully Grandpa is willing follow through.

5. You can run around naked afterward! — Sound a little weird? Well, one of my toddler’s biggest thrills is running around our house in the buff. Combine the running around naked with the chocolate, and it is a recipe for disaster.

Even though I know that bribing my son to use the toilet might not be the best route, I find myself making these promises every time. Did you use bribery to encourage your son or daughter to use the potty?

Read more of Crissy’s writing at Dear Crissy.
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